No post today. Never forget I’m a military girl, through and through. Thank someone from the military for their service today and enjoy Lee Greenwood singing his song, which makes me blubber every time I hear it.
God Bless the U.S.A.
Summer Reading List 2022
I have compiled my summer reading list, and I’d like to share it with you today. I’m not saying you have to be honored, necessarily, but please understand I don’t normally share my summer reading list, as it is akin to baring my soul.
But I am too tired to be so difficult and uppity, so here ya go. Keep in mind that there is no junk fiction in here, but all philosophical, political and sociological nonfiction. Thanks to Mark Manson for many of these suggestions, and all of the “F” bombs. I overdid “F” bombs last week, these are his:
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk. How trauma in childhood affects your decisions, even when you don’t know that something actually traumatized you.
The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz- When you are given more choices in life, you become less satisfied with what you choose. More is less, says this tome.
The Blank Slate by Steven Pinker. We are susceptible to influences that shape us during our entire lives.
Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix. This is a little corny of a book, but it deals with how our love maps form what we know to be true about relationships and love.
The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker. Most of our motivations in life are because we are terrified of dying. That’s why we undertake massive projects, so we will be remembered.
Influence by Robert Cialdini. The author explains how people are influenced in making their decisions.
Atomic Habits by James Clear. Clearn describes how our behavior is driven emotionally.
The Elephant in the Brain by Robin Hanson and Kevin Simler. We are all animals at heart, but we spend our entire lives trying to rationalize away our decisions.
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. How much subtext and meaning is embedded in our language- “You made me feel angry,” or “Traffic ruined my day.” No. You made yourself angry, and you let traffic ruin your day.
The Coddling of the American Mind by Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff. Cut and dry? Parents and teachers are fucking up with the children in their care. Not us, of course, but, you know, other people.
So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport. Most towns have their own version of “Daddy Ball.” You know, the fathers who coach the team so they can groom their own kid and put him and his friends in the most enviable positions, while the rest of our kids stand in the outfield or sit the bench. When Daddy Ballers tried that with my sons, their father always told them the same thing:
“Fuck them. Be so good that they can’t ignore you.” My boys worked toward that goal with everything they have ever done. The book follows the same theme.
The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel. The gist? Nobody knows what the fuck they are talking about, especially me.
The Second Mountain by David Brooks. Everyone has two mountains they want to climb- the first is worldly success, and the second is purpose. In the middle is the pit of nihilism and despair.
Democracy for Realists by Christopher H. Achen and Larry Bartels. The book explains the answer to the question: Why are people so fucking stupid?
Home Again
As someone who has enjoyed a certain amount of peace and quiet in the past year, the arrival home of my boys has been, to say the least, jarring. It’s not even Memorial Day weekend, and I have already contended with strange boys sleeping on my couch, people peeing against my garage, lost boat keys, lights and fans left on, empty towel closets, and a looming Memorial Day Monday barbeque, which I am dreading.
If you are also expecting the return of family members as summer closes in, here are a ten suggestions to make the transition as smooth as possible.
- Get rid of any idea you used to have about how your house should look, or has looked in the past. That’s over. Redefine your terms.
- Have family meetings. They can’t know what you expect if you don’t tell them. Give them chances to succeed.
- Don’t scream. What good does that do?
- Make everyone do his or her own laundry. If they want clean clothes, they’ll learn.
- Post reminders around the house about chores, trash night, and Do-s and Don’ts. They’re a visual generation.
- Be thankful when they help. Don’t say, “That’s the least you can do,” or “’Bout time you earned your keep.” Gratitude goes a long way.
- Buy plenty of paper plates and Solo cups. That will cut down on dirty dishes and broken stemware.
- If they have people over, make sure they cap it at a number, and give you a defined end time. That way there is no confusion.
- Remind them that you pay their phones and car insurance, and that could end immediately if they don’t respect your rules.
- Remind yourself that one day your house will be clean and orderly, and you will miss these times.
Really.
Lovings
Few things:
Lots of inquiries about my TED talk. What can I tell you, it takes TED a loooooong time to edit these talks. I guarantee they will not post it until it is perfect. When I get it, you’ll get it, so simmer down. It’s not like I’m hiding it. Sheesh. Don’t you think I want to start racking up views?
A friend texted me and asked me if I would ever personally confront Jordan Peterson about his comment about Yumi Nu, that is, if I were to meet him in person. Um, no. I’d be a coward, or I’d faint. I’m a huge fan of JP, like HUGE. I find him irresistibly charming, stoic, erudite and yummy. The older man thing, you see. But I’m still peeved at him. Beauty takes many different forms, and who is Jordan to say this young girl isn’t beautiful, just because she’s not a size 00? I’m not saying she should be on the cover, or that she shouldn’t be. I’m not a magazine editor. I’m simply saying beauty is relative. Oh, and newsflash: size 10 girls like wearing bikinis on the beach too, and look damn good doing it. Kudos to Sports Illustrated. If you found her girth distasteful, just flip to another page. Problem solved.
Things I’m loving right now:
The Zaha dress from Sophie Grace. Perfect for work, slimming and sexy. I have the blue.
“The Lincoln Lawyer” on Netflix. Based on the best-selling novels by Michael Connelly, this show stars Manuela Garcia-Ruffo as Mickey Haller, the best criminal defense lawyer in L.A. Ruffo is gorgeous in a nefarious way. If I can find some time and stop doing word finds and binge-watching “Seinfeld,” I want to get into it.
Skims. Thin, light undergarments for women. I’m a huge fan of smoothing undergarments when I work, even in the summer, and these provide smoothing without making you overly hot. Yummy. And they’re half the price of Spanx. Sara Blakely better stop taking trips into space with Elon Musk, and watch her product- it’s not what it used to be.
The new olive color of La Creuset. I want. But I don’t need. So I shan’t get. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful world if it made fiscal sense to buy every new La Creuset color when we wanted? Wah.
The Fruity-Dipped cone at Dairy Queen. I’m kidding, I don’t love this. Don’t waste your money or your time, it’s terrible. The outside “fruit” dip tastes like…wax lips. You know the wax lips “candy” that tasted like candle wax? Dairy Queen disappointed me, I was so looking forward to this new product. Yuk.
Catch you Wednesday.
Get Bent
It’s “Go Fuck Yourself” season.
The last nine months were the most exciting and stressful months of my life, so no one had better fuck with me. It’s time for me to relax and enjoy my little side hustle and reap the rewards of my patience and hard work. Don’t bug me, and go fuck yourselves.
I’ve been muttering “Go fuck yourself” under my breath for the past three weeks, randomly. To a loud truck gunning its engine past my house. To a credit card company that rejected me in the past but is suddenly dying for my business. To a campus that suddenly wants to hire me.
And to Dr. Jordan Peterson.
Despite whether you feel he is dangerous, an insurgent, an insurrectionist, a white supremacist or a “Nazi,” I’m a fan of Jordan Peterson. What can I say, I like his podcasts, his interviews, his books, his philosophy. I’ve blogged about him before, here’s the link:
https://www.chrysaliscollective.org/professor-piffle/
But Jordan has made a mistake. A big mistake. He left Twitter because of the mistake. And that mistake was claiming that model Yumi Nu was not beautiful. Yumi Nu who just made the 2022 Sports Illustrated cover. He tweeted:
“Sorry. Not beautiful.” Here’s the link:
https://nypost.com/2022/05/19/yumi-nu-responds-to-jordan-peterson-over-sports-illustrated-cover/
Big mistake, Dr. Peterson. Look at her again, and try not to focus on the fact that she’s not sickly skinny like your wife and daughter, and really LOOK AT HER.
She’s gorgeous. Drop. Dead. Gorgeous. Look at her eyes. Her skin. Her lips, her pearly whites, her glow. Her body, for Christ’s sake. What the hell is wrong with you? She wouldn’t give you the time of day if she met you in public. I mean, I am still a fan of yours, but seriously, Dr. Peterson:
Go fuck yourself.
I’m tired. Read the article for more detail. Have a great weekend, ya’ll.
Whodunit
There’s a sexual predator loose in Philadelphia, so please be careful to and from work.
If you get pulled over late at night on a highway, wait to pull into a well-lit area. It may not be a cop pulling you over.
Don’t go getting into white vans just because someone needs help with their furniture.
After I send text warnings like these to my sons, the response usually goes something like this.
“O.k. Mom, what true crime drama documentary did you just watch?”
It turns out fascination with true crime is quite normal, as long as it’s not an obsessive compulsion. Why else do we love true crime?
Evil fascinates us. It’s normal to be fascinated with the balance between good and evil.
If it bleeds, it leads. 25 to 30 percent of most television news today [deals] with crime particularly personal crime and murder.
And because we can’t look away from a trainwreck. Criminals can only fulfill their social function if the rest of the world knows exactly what outrages they have committed and how they have been punished—which is to say that what the public really needs and wants is to hear the whole shocking story.
It helps us feel prepared. A study published in 2010 found that women were more drawn than men to true crime books that contained tips on how to defend against an attacker.
There might be an evolutionary benefit. People are interested in true crime because we’ve evolved to pay attention to things that could harm us so that we can better avoid them.
We’re glad we’re not the victim. A big factor in our true crime obsession is something sort of like schadenfreude—getting enjoyment from the trouble experienced by other people.
We’re glad we’re not the perpetrator. It allows us to feel our compassion, not only a compassion for the victim, but sometimes compassions for the perpetrator.
It gives us an adrenaline rush. The euphoric effect of true crime on human emotions is similar to that of roller coasters or natural disasters.
We’re trying to solve the mystery. People can play armchair detective and see if they can figure out ‘whodunit’ before law enforcement authorities catch the actual perpetrator.
We like to be scared…in a controlled way. Stories about serial killers are fairytales for grownups. There’s something in our psyche where we have this need to tell stories about being pursued by monsters.
Storytelling is good and comforting. While living in a world where there is rapid social, political, economic, and technological change, true crime comforts people by assuring them that their long-held ideas about how the world works are still useful.
So the next time you’re drawn to that John Wayne Gacy documentary, remember you’re normal for doing so. Just don’t rent a clown for your kid’s birthday party, cuz, well, you never know…
Hey Ho
Hi! Some news:
Due to my work and travel schedule this summer, I have decided to reduce my blog posts to only three a week- Monday, Wednesday and Friday, beginning next week. I’ll see how it goes, and make a decision in the fall as whether to keep that schedule or go back to five a week. For now, a blog a day simply isn’t possible.
If you’re still checking in every day as we move towards two full years of publishing, thanks, and see you tomorrow for a post about crime dramas.
Back to the Roost
Yesterday morning I went into the kitchen at 5:00 a.m. to make my coffee, and as I ran the faucet, looked out towards our garage in the dim early morning light. And there was a possum, sniffing the outer edges of the garage and trying to figure out a way into my sons’ man cave. He kept pushing his snout into the door, which while not completely closed, would not yield to his weight.
Thank goodness for them, because if he got in there, there’d be no way I would have chased him out.
I sat down in my chair to drink my coffee and do a Word Find, when I heard it.
Rahck.
My head popped up. Could it be?
Rahck.
My heart beating in anticipation, I looked out towards my bird feeders and saw them standing on my stoop, looking towards the house.
Mr. and Mrs. Duck are finally back. May 14th, the latest date they have returned to my yard in all the years they have been visiting me. I’m so happy to see them, and they seem very grateful for the expensive critter food I had ready for when they finally showed up. When they were done eating, they just sat in my yard and took in the sights, relaxing to finally be what I like to call their “home away from home.”
My bunnies are back, too. We must never rush nature. It is on its own schedule.
Journey
I tried this material out on my friend Laurie after we had just attended the Journey concert in Phoenix last month:
“Laur, can you imagine the interview, once Arnel Pineda got the job as front man for Journey?”
Bandmates: Arnel, we’d like to offer you the job as front man for Journey. Congratulations. We just want to make sure you understand what the job entails.
Arnel: What do you mean?
Band: Well, please understand, Journey fans want Journey songs. Journey music. And above all, they want Steve Perry’s vocals. Nothing more, nothing less. Steve Perry. Period.
Arnel: Well, can I be creative with the lyrics?
Band: No.
Arnel: Can I do my own material?
Band: No.
Arnel: Can I sing in different keys and octaves? I have my own range.
Band: Sorry, no. We expect you to sound exactly like Steve Perry. So whatt’ya say?
Arnel: I’ll take it.
I can’t remember exactly, but I’m sure Laurie laughed. Politely.
The Journey concert that night was very special for me, as it capped off an incredible year. My TED talk was the second to last event in my professional crown of 2022, and the most important. I was both drained and elated, filled with energy, but sleepy too, and still a little under the weather. I threw on a cute black dress for the concert, but I didn’t do my hair or makeup. I was so happy with myself and my talk, I didn’t care about primping.
The arena was packed- I had never seen so many middle-aged well-dressed dorks in one place in my life. Maybe you were allowed to attend concerts in high school, but I wasn’t, so whenever I go to concerts as an adult, I feel like a little kid who managed to sneak out of the house on a Saturday night.
When Arnel Pineda came onto the stage, everyone got on their feet, and pretty much stayed there the whole night, except during slow ballads like “Open Arms.” And while I was aware that the new front man for Journey supposedly sounded a lot like Steve Perry, I wasn’t prepared for the uncanny way in which Pineda channeled Perry. Journey was my favorite group growing up, along with Foreigner, and ACDC, and Styx, and there were many of us in tears listening to songs that brought us back to high school.
I wondered to myself if Pineda resents having to perform Journey songs over and over. I wondered if he goes home at night and listens to gangster rap. But no. In an interview, he remarked that singing Perry’s vocals is a dream come true to him, and that meeting Perry was the greatest honor of his life.
If you get a chance, go to a Journey concert. Oh, and don’t stop believin’.
Grapes of Wrath
I’m so disappointed in these grapes. Dang. I wish I had tested one in the store before I purchased them. And last week I was let down by a bag of plums. Produce simply isn’t ready yet.
Except for asparagus. Asparagus is always ready, like that annoying but good looking high-energy friend who shows up to take you out even though you made it very clear that you don’t want to leave the house.
“C’mon, let’s go,” he says, grinning and twirling his key ring around his fingers. “C’mon, let’s go, I’m ready, get ready, let’s go, let’s go, LET’S GO!”
Unlike most fruits, there’s not much to do with below-par grapes. It infuriates me.
Overripe apples? Apple pie, applesauce, apple brown betty, apple cake.
Spoiled bananas? Banana bread, banana pancakes, banana pudding, banana milkshakes.
Peaches? Peach cobbler, *peach sorbet, peach margaritas.
Berries? So many things. Put on top of pancakes or French toast, blend for smoothies, smash for preserves to put on your morning toast. Make some scones, muffins, throw into yogurt with some granola.
Grapes? Well, wine, I guess, for those who understand the fermentation process. And Waldorf chicken salad. That’s it. Why are grapes so culinarily…unversatile? It’s maddening. We think of grapes as a kind of berry, but they don’t have the same versatility of berries. Neither do plums. If I buy bad plums, I just toss ’em. Nothing to do with them. They just don’t live up to expectation.
But that’s probably just sour grapes.
*I don’t actually know how to make peach sorbet. Maybe this summer.