(Reader note: I deliberately did not research any articles about the physiological effects diet has on the body so as to keep this entry personal and humorous. The following are simply my personal observations of how my own body reacts to the first three days of moderate caloric restriction).
The first three days of any diet are always the toughest. I speak here of healthy diets of course, the kind where water, vitamins and vegetables are getting flushed through your system while the bad stuff is getting flushed out. The intermittent fasting kind, where you stop eating by 5:00 p.m., and fast until 7:00 a.m. the next day, so your metabolism can reset and revive. The kind where you are eating good healthy food every few hours, drinking green tea, exercising, getting plenty of sleep and loving your life.
I speak NOT of starvation, extreme carbohydrate elimination, strange and time-consuming meal preparation or liquid diets. The fact that these types of eating plans are still advocated knowing what we know about the human body astounds me. Michael Pollan once said that everything he’s learned about food and health can be summed up in seven words: “Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.” I have written this mantra in every journal I have ever kept since I read it in one of his books. I try to follow it, and although I often fail, I do my best.
Now, I’m not about to lecture you about diet, nutrition and weight loss in this blog. I would never presume to do that. I’m not a nutritionist or a personal trainer or a health care worker. I just thought it would be fun to regale you with my diet observations since I just yelled at, threw with tremendous force and trampled on with my size eight sneaker an innocent unsuspecting piece of string cheese.
I’m on day three. These things happen. Because while the first three days of any diet are rewarding, they are also tricksters. Court jesters. They get their jollies by buoying your motivation while at the same time breaking down your defenses. You must let them. More on that.
The first day of any healthy diet you’re running on pure adrenalin. Your body is not suspicious yet, and doesn’t even understand what’s up. At the end of the day it’s just thinking, “1200 calories? Really? So this is what we’re doing today? No big deal. Back to normal tomorrow, though, right? Meet you at the kitchen island for French toast?”
Yeah, no.
The first day of a diet is a cake walk. You wonder how you ever felt like calorie restriction was tough. You feel pure and saintly, not hungry at all. You drink your water, you eat your veggies, you have your little snack and you think, I can do this forever. The first day passes by almost unnoticed, and you look forward to day two.
Until day two. Because halfway through day two, your body is on to you, and hearkens back to its ancestry, when it had to fast if food was not available. Your body begins those strange little craving things. You wonder what harm there would be in pouring an extra tablespoon of dressing into your salad. You wonder if you can have a little chocolate sauce on your fruit.
But deep down, you know this is always how it starts. Little cheats lead to big cheats. And you vowed to give this plan four perfect weeks, no cheating. You eat your chicken and munch your raw veggies, and leave the kitchen eyeing up the bag of mini-marshmallows, wondering how many calories are in just one. You watch your son flagrantly not finish his spaghetti carbonara, and you wordlessly vow to the leftovers “If you were mine, I’d never let you go…” You give one last wistful glance towards the bottle of red wine on the counter, and head up to bed.
You made it through day 2.
Day three dawns, and you wake up with the realization that you haven’t slept that well in months. It was a deep restful sleep, with no tossings and turnings in the middle of the night. You go to use the bathroom, and catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You do a doubletake. Hm. Your hair looks shiny, your eyes bright, your skin luminous. After only three days, your body is responding to the influx of vitamins and the removal of salt, fat and sugar. You feel a little stir of excitement. You eat your healthy bar to break your fast and head to the gym, where you have an energetic workout.
Right around 10:00 a.m. the hunger hits, and you remember fondly morning toast. You make zero calorie homemade vegetable soup, wishing you could dunk either crackers or pork chops into it. You leave the house, remembering that the third day is always the toughest day, and that keeping busy will help. You walk through Home Depot since it is one of the few stores on the planet that does not sell food or snacks, but the smell in the lumber section reminds you of brick-oven pizza, while the caulk display resembles cans of whipped cream.
You hightail it out of there.
On the way home you pass Wawa, and it occurs to you that there isn’t a single thing you can have in that store but water, baby carrots and black coffee. Just as quickly you think, No. Not “Can’t.” Won’t. You pass by without incident.
By mid-day the mild flu symptoms start. Your body is withdrawing from toxins, so some sluggishness, a faint headache and body aches are to be expected. You also know from experience that these will be gone by day four. You can’t wait for day four. You eat your mid-day fruit and drink your green tea, and look forward to enjoying your healthy dinner and light dessert.
As dinner approaches, you start to feel annoyed by everything and everyone. You are disgusted at the way your son shovels Chipotle into his wide-open trap. You become angry at the book you are reading, written by a no-talent hack. You loathe the dirty towels in the hamper, you glare at the leaky dishwasher, and when you can’t seem to open the wrapper on the string cheese, you throw it on the ground and grind it to a pulp with the heel of your foot, hoping it lays there and realizes what it has done. You eat your dinner and dessert, and stomp off to bed to wallow in self-pity.
Yep, nothing like a good day three. More soon.
