I’m so disappointed in these grapes. Dang. I wish I had tested one in the store before I purchased them. And last week I was let down by a bag of plums. Produce simply isn’t ready yet.

Except for asparagus. Asparagus is always ready, like that annoying but good looking high-energy friend who shows up to take you out even though you made it very clear that you don’t want to leave the house.

“C’mon, let’s go,” he says, grinning and twirling his key ring around his fingers. “C’mon, let’s go, I’m ready, get ready, let’s go, let’s go, LET’S GO!”

Unlike most fruits, there’s not much to do with below-par grapes. It infuriates me.

Overripe apples? Apple pie, applesauce, apple brown betty, apple cake.

Spoiled bananas? Banana bread, banana pancakes, banana pudding, banana milkshakes.

Peaches? Peach cobbler, *peach sorbet, peach margaritas.

Berries? So many things. Put on top of pancakes or French toast, blend for smoothies, smash for preserves to put on your morning toast. Make some scones, muffins, throw into yogurt with some granola.

Grapes? Well, wine, I guess, for those who understand the fermentation process. And Waldorf chicken salad. That’s it. Why are grapes so culinarily…unversatile? It’s maddening. We think of grapes as a kind of berry, but they don’t have the same versatility of berries. Neither do plums. If I buy bad plums, I just toss ’em. Nothing to do with them. They just don’t live up to expectation.

But that’s probably just sour grapes.

*I don’t actually know how to make peach sorbet. Maybe this summer.