Timeless vs. Trendy

(Thank you to Ingrid Fetell Lee for the inspiration for this post)

We know that the pleasure we find in tangible objects is fleeting. Scientists call this hedonic adaptation, or the hedonic treadmill, and it describes the way that our emotional responses to objects or situations dampen over time. Like when I keep journals and pens in my cart at Target, and in an hour the excitement of finding a journal with a velvet-embossed baby elephant wears off. I end up putting it back on the shelf because it no longer seduces me.

When we buy new things we love, the purchase lights up our brain with delight. But then we just get used to it, and while it may not be worn out, its appeal has dulled and we search for the opportunity to replace it with something new again.

On and on and on.

Ingrid asked me to make a list of things in my home that bring me joy. This is only partial:

My pewter elephants. My Icelandic prints. My little jewelry bowls. The Andrew Wyeth prints in the guest bedroom. The old-fashioned kitchen timer near my stove.

I’m trying to become more cognizant of objects of desire, so that what I buy has a lasting impression to make me happy long after the purchase. So what was I left with after shopping at Target last Friday? Not much. I’ll itemize.

A jar of Vitamin C Shea Sugar scrub for 8.49. This may seem like a luxury purchase, but I’m dying for a massage scrub lately, and they run in about $150.00. Not so bad now, huh? I love spa services so much, but I can’t go every month, so I try to do as much home spa-ing as I can. I treated myself to a bath and sugar scrub after the long weekend, and let me tell you it was LUXURIOUS.

A pink stoneware coffee mug with the phrase “Cup of Happy” for $7.00. I’ve been eyeing up this mug for months. I love the color, the graphics, and the feel of the stoneware. It gives me so much pleasure every morning when I use it. I know I complain about the crowds and warmer weather, but I can’t wait for spring so I can take this mug out to my patio and drink my first cup of coffee al fresco, and greet the morning with my squirrels, bunnies and ducks.

Toppling Tower Wood Blocks Game for $14.99. Dumb purchase, but I couldn’t help it. And in my defense, I was left unsupervised in front of the Chip and Joanna Gaines’ spring Magnolia collection. It’s like Jenga with desert and earth-toned blocks. I just pictured us playing this at the dining room table after Easter brunch. Love at first sight. And even if no one plays it, it brings me joy to look at it on the counter.

That was pretty much it. I got some Tide on sale, a Burts’ Bees lip shimmer, a bathmat with tassles.

From Ingrid:

“As people, we’re not fixed entities. We grow and change over time, and that may mean a changing relationship with our things. But by keeping these principles in mind, you’ll waste less money and time on things that quickly lose their luster, and be better able to invest in things that will have timeless resonance in your life.”

Read Ingrid’s article to find the six ways to make sure you choose things that bring you renewable joy.

Gift Smarter, Not Harder

One Christmas many years ago, I unwrapped a gift from my late husband and saw the inscription on the box:

Pajama-Gram.

I was stoked, because he had remembered that I had asked for pajamas for Christmas. I eagerly pulled the contents out of the box and just sat there staring.

“Whattya think? You like ‘em?”

His happiness and enthusiasm over having bought me something he knew I liked was endearing, and of course I told him I looooooved my new pajamas.

I tried after that, through the years, to wear them in front of him so he would see that I appreciated his gift. But I always had to take them off after a few hours, and inevitably, I donated them with the tags still, new and barely worn.

Why?

They were heavy fleece footie pajamas. I get hot in 55 degrees. I barely wear a coat. I haven’t worn my heavy duty Uggs in years, because it doesn’t get cold enough here, and my feet sweat. I worried that if I wore these fleece jammies anywhere other than, say, Antarctica, that I would be found in my bed in the morning, melted into a gooey puddle of middle-aged estrogen.

It was a sweet gift, but it amazed me that after twenty winters of fighting over the thermostat (he wanted it up, I wanted it down), after twenty years of arguing over the car heater (he wanted it blasting, I wanted it off), after twenty years of him listening to me complain about heat and humidity, that he would have thought the one thing I wanted in my life was to be forcibly jammed into a woolen straitjacket.

Gift-giving can be daunting, but thanks to my dear friend Ingrid Fetell Lee, here are some tips to make the gift-giving season a little easier:

Give something living. Plants reduce stress and add a bit of timeless joy to any space. Try The Sill.

Give something abundant. My youngest son was addicted to Utz Cheese Balls when he was young, so one Christmas I bought him that huge Utz tub of cheese balls. He kept it in his room, and inevitably finished it. Your brother likes avocados? Buy him a bag of them. Your son likes golf balls? Get him a bucket. Your daughter likes fuzzy socks? Buy her a cute tote bag, and fill it up.

Give something that creates time and space. A voucher for car detailing. A gift card for housecleaning. A flight upgrade to first-class.

Give something that makes a tough time easier. A book light, a birdfeeder, a scented candle, crystals.

Give something handmade. Two Christmases ago I typed up all of my father’s handwritten educational stories that he had entrusted to me, had them bound into a spiral notebook, and gave one to each member of the family. Big hit.

Give something that offers a moment of surprise or enchantment. Go on Goldbelly, already. You won’t regret it once you hear the “Wooooooow”s.

Give something that helps create memories. A digital frame, a vacation, a restaurant gift card.

Give something you love. Are there books you’ve read recently that you’d love to discuss with this person? Do you have a special recipe you could share? A tool you’ve discovered that makes life so much easier? Do you have special knowledge of new gadgets, wines, etc.? 

And remember the rules. Don’t preach and don’t assume. Don’t get her a Peloton unless she asked for it, some women get touchy about that. If you’re not sure of her size, don’t size up to a double XXL, unless you want to get a dirty look. Avoid getting alcohol unless you know the person, and don’t give out gifts with your logo. It’s cheesy.

Oh, give cheese. Everyone loves cheese. Just make sure they’re not lactose intolerant.