One Christmas many years ago, I unwrapped a gift from my late husband and saw the inscription on the box:
Pajama-Gram.
I was stoked, because he had remembered that I had asked for pajamas for Christmas. I eagerly pulled the contents out of the box and just sat there staring.
“Whattya think? You like ‘em?”
His happiness and enthusiasm over having bought me something he knew I liked was endearing, and of course I told him I looooooved my new pajamas.
I tried after that, through the years, to wear them in front of him so he would see that I appreciated his gift. But I always had to take them off after a few hours, and inevitably, I donated them with the tags still, new and barely worn.
Why?
They were heavy fleece footie pajamas. I get hot in 55 degrees. I barely wear a coat. I haven’t worn my heavy duty Uggs in years, because it doesn’t get cold enough here, and my feet sweat. I worried that if I wore these fleece jammies anywhere other than, say, Antarctica, that I would be found in my bed in the morning, melted into a gooey puddle of middle-aged estrogen.
It was a sweet gift, but it amazed me that after twenty winters of fighting over the thermostat (he wanted it up, I wanted it down), after twenty years of arguing over the car heater (he wanted it blasting, I wanted it off), after twenty years of him listening to me complain about heat and humidity, that he would have thought the one thing I wanted in my life was to be forcibly jammed into a woolen straitjacket.
Gift-giving can be daunting, but thanks to my dear friend Ingrid Fetell Lee, here are some tips to make the gift-giving season a little easier:
Give something living. Plants reduce stress and add a bit of timeless joy to any space. Try The Sill.
Give something abundant. My youngest son was addicted to Utz Cheese Balls when he was young, so one Christmas I bought him that huge Utz tub of cheese balls. He kept it in his room, and inevitably finished it. Your brother likes avocados? Buy him a bag of them. Your son likes golf balls? Get him a bucket. Your daughter likes fuzzy socks? Buy her a cute tote bag, and fill it up.
Give something that creates time and space. A voucher for car detailing. A gift card for housecleaning. A flight upgrade to first-class.
Give something that makes a tough time easier. A book light, a birdfeeder, a scented candle, crystals.
Give something handmade. Two Christmases ago I typed up all of my father’s handwritten educational stories that he had entrusted to me, had them bound into a spiral notebook, and gave one to each member of the family. Big hit.
Give something that offers a moment of surprise or enchantment. Go on Goldbelly, already. You won’t regret it once you hear the “Wooooooow”s.
Give something that helps create memories. A digital frame, a vacation, a restaurant gift card.
Give something you love. Are there books you’ve read recently that you’d love to discuss with this person? Do you have a special recipe you could share? A tool you’ve discovered that makes life so much easier? Do you have special knowledge of new gadgets, wines, etc.?
And remember the rules. Don’t preach and don’t assume. Don’t get her a Peloton unless she asked for it, some women get touchy about that. If you’re not sure of her size, don’t size up to a double XXL, unless you want to get a dirty look. Avoid getting alcohol unless you know the person, and don’t give out gifts with your logo. It’s cheesy.
Oh, give cheese. Everyone loves cheese. Just make sure they’re not lactose intolerant.