Fyodor

Small cheat today. Enjoy my favorite passage from “Brothers Karamazov”:

“And above all, do not be so ashamed of yourself, for that is at the root of it all… You have known for a long time what you must do. You have sense enough: don’t give way to drunkenness and incontinence of speech; don’t give way to sensual lust; and, above all, to the love of money. And close your taverns. If you can’t close all, at least two or three. And, above all- don’t lie… Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, and around him, and so loses all respect for love, and in order to occupy and distract himself without love he gives way to passions and coarse pleasures, and sinks to bestiality in his vices, all from continual lying to other men and to himself. The man who lies to himself can be more easily offended than any one. You know it is sometimes very pleasant to take offense, isn’t it? A man may know that nobody has insulted him, but that he has invented the insult for himself, has lied and exaggerated to make it picturesque, has caught at a word and made a mountain out of a molehill- he knows that himself, yet he will be the first to take offense, and will revel in his resentment till he feels great pleasure in it, and so pass to genuine vindictiveness. But get up, sit down, I beg you. All this, too, is deceitful posturing.”

-Fyodor Dostoevsky, “The Brothers Karamazov”

Pre-Gaming

What’s up with the lionization of the hatred of work?

I know social media is supposed to be funny, but teaching this new generation that they should hate waking up early, hate sitting in an office, hate their bosses, and just hate work in general is a very dangerous proposition.

The latest IG post said:

I hope when I die, it’s early in the morning so I don’t go to work that day for no reason.

Sure, funny. But prescient, also. Why is having a job such a catastrophe?

I’ve always loved working. Always. There has never been a job I’ve ever dreaded doing, or hating going into. I have to work. It feeds my energy and passion.

Here’s some advice on how to have a great week from the Stoics:

Monday: Rise and Shine

On those mornings you struggle with getting up, keep this thought in mind: “I am awakening to the work of a human being. Why then am I annoyed that I am going to do what I’m made for, the very things for which I was put into this world?”

-Marcus Aurelius

Tuesday: Prepare Yourself for Negativity

I know that these wrong-doers are still akin to me- and that none can do me harm, or implicate me in ugliness- nor can I be angry at others or hate them, for we are made for cooperation.

-Marcus Aurelius

Wednesday: Clarify Your Intentions

Let all your efforts be directed to something, let it keep that end in view. It’s not activity that disturbs people, but false conceptions of things that drive them mad.

-Seneca

Thursday: Be Ruthless to Things That Don’t Matter

How many have laid waste to your life when you weren’t aware of what you were losing? How much was wasted in pointless grief, foolish joy, greedy desire, and social amusements? How little of your own was left to you?

-Seneca

Friday: Turn “Have to” to “Get to”

The task of a philosopher: we should bring our will into harmony with whatever happens, so that nothing happens against our will and nothing that we wish for fails to happen.

-Epictetus

Saturday: Take a Walk

We should take wandering outdoor walks so that the mind might be nourished and refreshed by the open air and deep breathing.

-Seneca

Sunday: A Week in Review

I will keep constant watch over myself and- most usefully- will put up each day for review.

Advice from the Stoics

A client asked me last night, “What’s your secret?”

Take that as you will.

I will answer today with some advice from the Stoics. Here are seven things the Stoics implore humans never do:

Don’t be overheard complaining. I don’t complain about relationships, the weather, myself, life, people, and money, and never, ever, ever around people at work. Maybe I’ll quietly vent a little with a close friend or a family member, but even these small lapses from joy can mar a day. I keep my words and language clear, positive and consistent. Don’t go by my writing, as I am a humorist, and complaining is all in good fun and funnier than sunshine and rainbows.

Don’t talk more than you listen. I have out-of-body experiences when dealing with clients, and lose myself in their stories, their words, and their lifeforce. If they try to bring the conversation back to me, I answer politely and immediately bring it back to them. I actually find myself incredibly boring but hysterical, which is amusing when you consider the fact that this is my personal blog.

Don’t tie your identity to things you own. I used to tell my students who would complain about where they lived, or how they dressed to never define themselves by such things. Same goes for possessions like boats and vacation houses and businesses. Who cares? Live from inside.

Don’t compare yourself to others. I am not intimidated about walking into any room. Not a room filled with billionaires, not a room filled with famous athletes, not a room filled with great writers. I compare myself to no one.

Don’t judge others. Speaks for itself. He who is without sin throw the first stone?

Don’t suffer imagined troubles. Ninety-percent of our problems are in our minds. I ask myself: what problems do I have right now? Usually the answer is: None. How lucky am I not receive a phone call that my child has a terminal illness? Live for the moment, not what you think might happen.

Don’t overindulge. Not in food, alcohol, sex (tough one), clothing (tougher!!). Be content with a little.

A little goes a long way.

Erma

Hi. Sorry about Friday. If you read my Wednesday post, please be reassured that if you were reading my hypothetical beauty blog and compulsively adding up my monthly beauty expenses, you are waaaaaay off. Of course I don’t spend that amount of money on beauty and appearance every month. Please look up the word “hypothetical.”

I’m cheating today. I wasn’t going to share this until after Labor Day, but the house is empty and I want to take advantage by doing some important personal writing. So here’s a quick announcement.

Maybe you know about this, and maybe you don’t. Maybe you care, and maybe you don’t. But I have referred to my TED-talk as the second most important thing that has ever happened to my career.

The following is the first.

Press releases went out about it, and some local outlets picked it up. Some didn’t. Those last will not be granted an interview when I am a famous screenwriter. 

Yes, I’m that level of petty. Just watch me. 

In October I will be in Ohio for three weeks to accept an award, give a keynote, and observe and teach at the University of Dayton. I’m no name-dropper, but if I was, boy could I namedrop who I will be meeting with, sitting with and laughing with for this conference.

Thanks as always if you’re interested in me, I appreciate it. Enjoy.

Finding Comedy in a Hotel Room

 

Friday Thoughts

Tupac:

“Just because you lost me as a friend doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy.

I am bigger than that.

I still wanna see you eat. Just not at my table.”

Kobe:

People won’t notice the:

Late nights.

Early mornings.

Self-doubt.

Risks.

Failures.

Obstacles.

They will only see your results and call you lucky. Don’t expect them to understand.

The Rock:

2 days of procrastination can destroy 2 months of discipline.

Business Magnets:

Drug dealers never consume.

The CEO of Pepsi was recorded saying he’d never let his family touch any of their products.

Mark Zuckerberg puts tape over his laptop’s camera and microphone.

Steve Jobs banned his kids from using the iPad.

Bill Gates strictly limited his children’s tech time.

The CEO of McDonald’s claims he doesn’t even eat his own company’s food.

But you’re still consuming all of their shit. Bon appetite.

TED

The Universe has been throwing me bones the last few weeks, my friends. Good bones. Meaty, juicy bones. And I had full intention of sharing them with you.

But I’ve reconsidered.

They’re too personal, and it’s too early. My apologies. It was never my intention to tease you. I’m keeping them to myself for now.

But there is one thing I can share with you. If you’re interested.

Last week I saw for perhaps the gazillionth time the widow Nora McInerny’s talk on grief posted on TED LinkedIn.

YAWN.

I’m so tired of Nora. I liked her memoir, but TED treats her like she’s the only widow that has ever lived. So I commented on the TED feed:

“TED, please post my talk from GCU in April on the power of standing alone, enough with Nora.”

I thought I’d get in trouble, but four days later a TED curator contacted me to let me know it has been edited and posted on Youtube.

So there you go. I will post it on this blog eventually, just not yet. I’m trying to figure out if I’m going to be one of those actresses who never watches her own movies.

Not sure if I want to watch it or not.

But don’t let that stop you. If you’ve been one of the dozens of people boreassing me about it, it’s up. If you want to see it, go look for it. Or you can wait.

Until then, au revoir and have a nice weekend. I have bones to chew.

Da Bone

I did a quick run to the bookstore on Saturday to grab the October issue of the puzzle books I use. Laugh if you will, but word finds are vital to my current summer routine and psychological peace of mind. They help me with writer’s block, keep me off my phone, and give me something to surreptitiously turn to when I have a rare down moment at work.

Most significantly, they help me, for however briefly, forget about travel. About the fact that I can’t travel. Not until October.

(This next part is when I sound like a spoiled, whiny brat with First World problems).

Part of me dies when I can’t travel. I can feel it slowly corroding away my happiness and peace like acid through flesh. The fact that I traveled to Florida and Arizona in the spring is already a faint travel memory. I miss Maine, and Utah, and Colorado, and Wyoming, not to mention Alaska, Canada, Iceland and London.

But for now I’m stuck, until October. Remaining in New Jersey for the entire summer as a dutiful daughter and mom is, of course, something I know I need to do.

But that don’t make it easy. There are days when I wake up and want to scream in frustration.

(Ok I’m done)

So I’m throwing myself, my whole self, into work. And I’m happy for it. Grateful, even. But the slow trudge of the Universe as it limps its way to delivering me the life I am going for feels like a maddeningly slow fucking journey.

On Saturday, as I drove in summer tourist traffic, I once again addressed the Universe.

“Yo, what the hell is going on up there? I’m putting in the work, can you throw me a bone?”

Twenty minutes later, I dug up said bone. Tune in Friday for the conclusion.

On Passion

Been thinking about passion a lot lately. My passion, how it’s fueled, how one’s vibration must match another’s. Here are some four ruminations that aren’t mine, but could be:

From Tom Bilyeu podcast:

To discover your true passion, ask yourself four question:

What am I good at?

What do I love?

What does the world need?

How do I get paid for it?

Unlock your passion, and you find your purpose. Serve people, and notice what you enjoy about that.

“You find yourself when you lose yourself in the service of others.”- Gandhi

Maybe the purpose of life isn’t to find our passion or purpose. What if all of this work we are doing, is to find ourselves again. To come back to that pure self- before the abandonment by that family member, before the heartbreak, the loss and addiction. Before we got jaded. Maybe this life is just a process of removing all the THINGS we have added to our coat of armor, to survive the world we live in, to find ourselves again.- M Abeo

It is in fact a part of the function of learning to help us escape, not from our own time- for we are bound by that- but from the intellectual and emotional limitations of our time.- T.S. Eliot

Happy Friday!

Early Bird

Sorry about Friday. Turns out I scheduled that post for July instead of June. The first thing I do in the morning before I leave for the day is read the day’s post and make sure it pops up on my phone and to check that it doesn’t have any typos. But for some reason on Friday I didn’t do that. If I had, of course I would have corrected the problem.

Go figure.  

The fact that I didn’t post correctly is ironic, because the post was about the benefits of being early. I like to think that everything good that has happened to me in my life is because of three things: reading books, enjoying solitude, and being early.

Now, I don’t refer here to the responsible qualities of early, although that is a major part of it. Of course being early makes you look responsible. Getting to work early and pleasing your boss is good, and getting Nana to the Jimmy Buffett venue early so that she doesn’t need to walk too far is being a good grandkid.

I refer instead to the quiet and unmuddled qualities of early. The clean, fresh qualities of early. Some of the best memories of my life have been when I was alone, and at my venue earlier than everyone else.

Alone in the school copy room as I sipped coffee and watched the early morning sun filter through the windows, leisurely making copies before the requisite daily cawing of seagulls (read, female faculty) commenced.

Getting to the gym early and enjoying plenty of floor space and the ability to move my body expansively and generously through the necessary range of movement.

Enjoying the beach in early morning, with all its grandeur and stillness.

Arriving early to church and getting my favorite pew, shutting my eyes and clearing my mind of troubles, and enjoying the empty cavernous peace before the music starts and the kids start screaming.

Being to the airport so early that I have time to visit the lounge, poke around gift shops, and people watch.

Early to hiking trails, busy restaurants, my favorite stores, enjoying the things I love about them without scads of other people ruining my experience. And that is the point. People have every right to descend upon the places I love, but it is my choice to already be up, there and gone by the time they show up. If it’s possible.

Maybe you like going out to dinner at peak time and waiting in line. Or having to fight for a pew in church fifteen minutes into the mass. Or sitting in traffic to get to work, then having to park a mile away. If I was a sociologist, I would posit that those are indicators of something aberrant in your personality. And what does it say about ME that I do everything possible to engage in activities (work excluded) that promise as little human interaction possible?

Talk about aberrant.

Nonetheless, that is what is beautiful about the human race. How different we all are. And somehow, we all manage to interact on this crazy spinning ball of mud.

Gotta run and get a good parking spot at work.

Own Your Morning

Morning hours are the hours we can control. So why not make the best of them? Here are five mistakes according to Liz Plosser that people make with their mornings.

HITTING THE SNOOZE. This is not about waking up at 5 a.m. It’s about waking up at the time that is most natural to you, and then getting up.

PICKING THE WRONG ALARM. Choose something sweet and pretty, like birds singing, or heart-pumping, like Van Halen’s “Jump,” if that’s what gets you going. Whatever makes you want to get up and get moving.

NOT PREPARING THE NIGHT BEFORE. Have your early morning clothes picked out, your coffee ready to be brewed, your laptop charged. Whatever it takes to feel like you own your mornings, not the other way around.

NOT UNDERSTANDING YOUR PERSONAL “POWER-UP.” What are your core values? Quiet time to journal or meditate? Hitting the pavement for a quick run? Coffee and nature sounds? Whatever it is, engaging in these tasks is pivotal to set the tone of your day.

NOT MOVING A MUSCLE. Again, everyone’s routine is different. It doesn’t have to be a five-mile run but even just rolling your head from left to right, or going into Happy Baby position. Maybe it will be the best part of your day, but at least you had a best part.

Have a great weekend, the weather is going to be phenomenal!