Home and Hearth

(I know the hyperlinks have not been cooperating. The issue has been resolved, so click away on any product you desire).

Flowers are falling off my crepe myrtle tree like mercury on a cold day, and I am constantly sweeping buds, seeds and petals off my patio furniture. This shedding is a sure sign that fall is right around the corner. Now, I know, you beach people don’t like to acknowledge fall this early, but we cool weather, boot-wearing, pumpkin-spice sipping, sweater-donning, Halloween-loving maniacs not only love to acknowledge it, but wish it would hurry up and get here already.

And since I have decided to stick around and teach this fall, I’ve also decided to really enjoy it and go all out with my yard for fall and Halloween. I didn’t even plant flowers this summer, time just got away from me, so I need to redeem myself.

Here are some of our favorite things at Chrysalis Collective from Plow and Hearth this coming fall:

This decorative skull for your die-hard Eagles fan.

A Stoneware crock for your Eagles fan. This crock comes in every NFL logo, and is so great to use for planting, pot pourri, even popcorn.

This BOO Sassafras Switch Mat. It will be mine.

I’m getting all three of these Monster Shorties- the werewolf, the Frankenstein, and the mummy. They’re so stinking cute.

This First Colony Pineapple Fireplace Screen with doors is 50% off!

A Light-Up Hanging Ghost.

If like me you’re finally splurging for outdoor patio furniture covers, here is an assortment, and they’re all on sale.

Carry your logs to the fireplace with this carrier.

Gingersnap cookies to die for, although I am partial to Sweetzels.

Ladies, listen up: if you wear size 9 or 10, these Merrell boots are priced unbelievably low. Get ’em, they’re almost gone!

And finally, since Labor Day is approaching, here’s some Americana products you might be interested in grabbing before they’re gone:

This light-up black lab holding a flag in his mouth is so cool.

This Summer Flip-Flop Metal Wreath is to die-for, but it’s so popular that the shipping date isn’t until DECEMBER, so know that you couldn’t use it until next summer. Each wreath is handmade and hand painted by artisans in Bali; no two are exactly alike. I really want it, but I want the Shortie Monsters more, and I can’t have both.

Uncle Sam looking adorable.

Good With Money

image of woman in home

(These seven bullets originally appeared on BusinessInsider.com, before showing up on travelandleisure.com).

So there are apparently seven things people who are good with money never buy. Since I am always trying to improve my mindset and relationship with money and investing, I read the article to see how my financial literacy (or lack thereof) fared.

Maybe you are a woman reading this right now, and you are in charge of your household finances. Bravo! But you are in the minority. Statistics say that most women take care of the domestic end of the household, while their husbands handle the financial end.

This was my situation. If it’s not yours, then it’s not yours, so don’t get those panties wadded. Of course I know men help raise children, and know where the vacuum is. Of course I know that women can use a checkbook and often appear on the cover of Forbes. Sheesh. My point simply is that in most American households, men handle the finances.

(Remember the ol’ days, when you could say or write something without worrying that some nimrod who doesn’t know how to read or reason would get offended? Let’s bring back Archie Bunker and George Jefferson. They were the collective reason why an entire generation (read, ME) is in(un?)offendable).

Here are the seven things that people “good with money” supposedly don’t buy. Some I agree with, some I don’t.

People good with money don’t buy brand new cars. Disagree. We all know the statistics: a new car loses 10% of its value in the first month, and 20% of its value in the first year. But what does that mean, and who cares? Everything eventually loses value. The only things that don’t lose value over time are love, brandy and precious metals. And FYI, I know plenty of people who are good with money who buy a new car. Then they proceed to take good care of it, and keep it for a long time. The point is to KEEP it, right?

People good with money don’t lease new cars over and over. Agree. This one hit personally, since my Audi is leased, so let me defend myself by saying that I got the thumbs-up on the leasing of my car from my father, the most conservative and financially-frugal tightwad on the face of the earth. It’s why he and my late Hub got along so well. If my father said leasing was a good idea, then daggonit, it was. My father leased many cars through his lifetime, never had a bad experience, and has educated me deeply on the advantages of leasing. But even I know that leasing a new car over and over is financially irresponsible.

People good with money don’t buy houses they can’t afford. Agree. I saw an ad on the local Patch that advertised a house for TWELVE MILLION DOLLARS. I laughed out loud. Who in their right mind would pay 12 million dollars for a house, even if it was affordable? I don’t get the preoccupation with big fancy houses, but that’s just me. I’d personally use the twelve mill to buy a bunch of small condos in all of my favorite cities.

People good with money don’t buy things on credit they can’t afford. Agree and disagree. I don’t buy anything (if I can help it) unless in the back of my mind I know I have the money for it. I use my credit cards strategically- to get travel miles and points towards hotels and rental cars. It’s time-consuming, but parlaying credit card points and miles is a great way to offset the cost of travel and purchases. But sometimes using a credit card for a big purchase is necessary for career or education, something that will eventually return the investment.

People good with money don’t buy luxury goods from brand-name designers. Agree and disagree. This is a toughie, because the definition of “brand name designers” depends on who you are or where you live. One woman might feel couture in a dress from Marshalls, another in Club Monaco, while another in Chanel. One man might feel dressed up in a clean t-shirt and jeans, and another wears a shirt and tie to church. My kind of guy. Either way, to each his own.

In one of my favorite movies Crazy Stupid Love, Steve Carrell plays an awkward forty-something man whose wife wants a divorce.  As he’s getting used to life as newly single, he meets the dashing, smooth-talking character played by Ryan Gosling who takes Carrell under his wing.  In one particularly funny scene, Carrell shows up for a style “lesson” wearing khakis and running shoes. Gosling, dressed sharply, looks him over with disgust.

“Are you Steve Jobs?” asked Gosling.

“Uh, no,” said Carrell.

“Are you the CEO of Apple?” asked Gosling.

“No, I’m not,” said Carrell.

“Then you have no business wearing New Balance running shoes,” said Gosling as he took the shoes and threw them over a railing.

Steve Jobs was notorious for wearing sneakers, jeans and black turtlenecks. But let me tell you that before Steve Jobs became Steve Jobs, he dressed to impress. Here’s a well-known story: During his 12-year absence from Apple from 1985 to 1997 Steve Jobs started NeXT.  One day he was heading to the bank to ask for a loan and his partner showed up to Steve’s house in blue jeans.  Steve told him to put on a suit (or borrow one of his). “Why?” his partner asked. Steve Jobs looked at him levelly and said, “Because we’re going to the bank today.”

At a leadership conference a few years back the speaker, a military hero, said that leadership starts from the minute you walk into the door.  Your “subordinates” (your team, employees, partners) are sizing you up based on your body language and how you look.  “Always dress a little better than everybody else,” he said. Amen. If I had only $100.00 left to my name, and I had to decide between a week’s worth of groceries or a new outfit for say, an interview or an important career outing, I’d take the clothes. Dressing well is my mantra, a deeply-help personal belief, and the subject of my TED talk in 2022.

People good with money don’t load up on material goods. Agree. Period. I have what I want, I love what I have, and I want for nothing. It is said that people good with money are supposedly capable of “actively unplugging from consumerism.” I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I unplug from consumerism, because I do like to shop. But I don’t fill my house or my closet or my life with piles of cheap shit, including men.

And lastly:

People good with money don’t plan lavish weddings. Disagree. When I got engaged, my father sat me and my late Hub down and told us we could have “the wedding,” or the money. We both chose the wedding. People still remember our wedding. It was fantastic, and the right choice for us at the time. I’d still choose the wedding, but maybe a smaller one. Both of my beautiful nieces chose small-scale weddings- one on the beach, where everyone was barefoot. And one in Princeton, at a sophisticated small venue. Not because of money, but because it was a personal choice. So if a girl has always dreamed of a big fancy fairy-tale wedding, and Daddy is willing to pay for it, it doesn’t mean they’re financially foolhardy.

Just spoiled. As all beautiful young brides should be.

For Richer

picture of us money

My husband used to sing “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” all through the house in August. The boys knew he meant that it was almost time to go back to school, and they would grumble and moan and sulk, but not really. I know there are kids who don’t like school, but those kids were never my kids. All my boys liked going back to school.

Tomorrow look forward to a nice Back to School shopping list. Yes, I know it’s early, but not all of my readers live on the East coast. Some of my readers are from the South, some are from the West Coast, some even in Canada, Iceland and Alaska. Some of the items will be from Amazon, fam, so if you detest getting Jeff Bezos any richer than he already is, stay with the product suggestions from the smaller companies.  

I’ll tell you tomorrow why I don’t mind getting Jeff Bezos richer than he already is. Until then, here are five more people who I love seeing get richer:

Sara Blakely: I will buy Spanx until the day that I die. If I’m dressed professionally, whether it’s to teach or present or attend a meeting, I have Spanx on under my clothes. Period. Even when I was more svelte than I am now, I wore them to teach. Spanx have been with me through two pregnancies, three children, career changes, travel, interviews, and menopause. Sara’s products pull me together, smooth everything out, and give me oodles of confidence.

Scott and Missy Tannen of Boll and Branch: If you’ve never laid down in their sheets or snuggled under their duvet covers, you’re missing out. They can charge me whatever they want, and I’ll pay it. Getting good sleep is one of my top priorities.

Sheila Johnson, owner of BET and CEO of Salamander Resorts: I stayed at the Salamander recently to visit my college roommate who works there, and it was one of the most luxurious resorts I have ever stayed in. I kid you not. I’ve been to many beautiful places all over the world, and let me tell you, if you want to be pampered? Holy Moly, treat yourself to a stay at the Salamander. It’s pricey, but maybe for a special occasion? I’ll give Sheila my money any day, what an amazing woman.

Joy Mangano: You know, Joy. Joy, she of the Huggable Hangers? I mean, what would we do without those huggable hangers? Now every brand tries to pass off their own huggable hangers, but I make sure to get the ones with her name on them. She was a trailblazer.

The celebrity who makes my perfume: Uh uh uh. Nope. Not gonna tell ya. I’m super weird about exposing certain things, but I’ll tell you what, readers: once I get enough email subscribers, I’ll tell you what perfume I wear.

Until then, mum’s the word.

Still Life

“The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian, it’s for getting’ around, like a Jeep.”- Elaine Benes

I sat at a yellow Formica kitchen table discussing my upcoming boudoir photography shoot with this friendly husband-and-wife photography team. I hoped they weren’t planning to sell the pictures they were about to take of me to the soft porn industry.

They were almost too nice, like the neighbors who groomed Mia Farrow in “Rosemary’s Baby.” This couple said soothing creepy (croothing?) things to me like, “We want you to be comfortable,” and “Let’s just have some fun,” and “We won’t ask you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

I’m done teasing. They were fantastic. They did make me comfortable, we did have fun, and of course I did everything they asked. Because if you say no to a photographer who is trying to make you look beautiful as you’re posing in babydoll nighties, garter belts and black lace thongs, then walls go up.

The trick to a boudoir photo session is to leave your inhibitions at the door. Trust your photographer. If he tells you to stick your ass out, even if it feels awkward, stick it out. If he tells you to lick your lips, lick ‘em (try not to laugh, you’ll regret it). If he tells you to look at the camera and think of someone hot as hell, do it. If he tells you to shut your eyes and fantasize about something delicious and sweet, you will be amazed at the photo you get.

Music is important, too. When your photographer asks you what music you prefer, don’t say, “Whatever is fine.” Whatever is not fine. What music makes you feel young, sexy and desirable? Ask for it. How you feel as you move to it will come out in the photos. I requested Ariana Grande, Janelle Monae, Khalid, Justin Bieber, Annie Lennox, Meghan Trainor, fun music that gets me jazzed.

Boudoir isn’t about how you look, or even the images. It’s about how you feel.

I hate to be a cliché. I know women my age do crazy stuff like sky-diving, sushi classes and pilgrimages to Machu Picchu, but what can I say? We don’t want to get old(er) and have regrets. So while men are out buying really small dogs and even bigger motorcycles and working on their golf games, we’re out buying lingerie, learning pickleball and jetting off to Europe. And maybe I am a cliché- I can live with that. Doing a boudoir photo shoot was always on my bucket list, and now I’ve done it.

I didn’t just want to do it. I had to do it.

I’ve always loved the idea of boudoir. I have tons of lingerie. Boudoir is all about lace and white silk and plunging décolletage. Black teddies and garters and gray silk robes and high heels and fish-net stockings. Boudoir photography is all about dimly-lit bedrooms, gauzy curtained four-post beds, cashmere throws, clean cotton sheets, and white shag rugs.

Erotic photography, when done correctly, is an aesthetic creation.

I once wrote an op-ed for The Philadelphia Inquirer about the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, and how much I look forward every year to seeing what supermodel has made the coveted cover. I was truly shocked at the hate mail I received from some feminist groups- it was scathing. But what can I say? I love looking at beautiful supermodels in exotic locales, and my point in the op-ed was simply that women who claim the February issue is sexist should look at it for what it is.

Art.

(Yo feminists, I bet some of those gorgeous girls are smart, too. Whip-smart. Maybe smarter than you, even. Would it make you feel better if they were holding their SAT grades in the photos? Copies of their scholarships and college diplomas? I’ll leave it at that).

Professional photo shoots are staged creations, computer-enhanced hallucinations. The models are beautiful, but computers are used to make these women look other-worldly. Ever hear of filters? Before you yell at me, here’s a link to supermodel Cameron Russell’s TED talk about it:

https://www.ted.com/speakers/cameron_russell

So finally, after decades of flipping through magazines and social media, I finally thought, “I wonder what would I look like all dolled up like this?” I made the appointment. I bought some outfits. I showed up. And it went great.

Admittedly I was a little too Baby Jane for my taste. I looked like a child pageant star who had at the age of 54 suddenly decided to re-enter the Little Miss Sunshine pageant. Heavy makeup, thick lashes, big hair- way over the top. But that was the point of the shoot, and once I saw the pictures, I understood the decision. “Trust me,” she had said, as she glued the fake eyelashes onto my lids. “We’re creating a fantasy here.”

Indeed. All-in-all it was a great day, and I’m very proud of the photos. Then I stuck them at the bottom of my lingerie drawer. With my lingerie.

I could have done without the ass shots, if I’m forced to be honest. They were a little jarring. Hey, are you a woman my age and feeling full of yourself? Feeling fit and confident? Yes? Need a reality check? I have the solution. Put on a black leather thong, face your ass to a camera, and look back over your shoulder. Do this in a garishly lit bedroom as the camera flash accentuates every single detail of your derriere.

Now get those pictures developed. Don’t look at them yet. Grab a bottle of chilled Grey Goose and a shot glass. Take a shot. Now take another. Consider very seriously taking another. Now look at the pictures and feel your high-fallutin’ opinion of yourself hit the ground the way a kettlebell hits concrete when thrown from a second-story window.

But don’t look away. Keep looking. That’s you, in all of your beautiful, perfect, female splendor. And if anyone doesn’t like the way your ass looks, instruct him to look away. Because you love how it looks. It has held you in good stead for almost half a century.

I’m planning another boudoir shoot soon for professional reasons, with a different company. This one will be sophisticated and natural. Sepia, beige, gray tones. Minimal makeup. Smooth soft hair. Black robe. Bare feet. White crisp collared shirt. Cotton underwear, clean tan skin.

And no ass shots.