Widow

During my TED talk in April of 2022, I discussed how widows are negatively stereotyped in the media. You know, that we constantly wear black (definitely me), that we’re always confused and depressed (yeah, right) and that we are most certainly are out to steal everyone’s husbands (seriously?)  I actually don’t care much about stereotypes, but when one does a TED talk, one must transmit an air of seriousness and mild outrage.

And it has recently come to my attention that Spirit of Halloween has joined in the fray. Their new advertised animatronic called the Widow, features this tagline:

Hell hath no fury like a scorned woman! When she caught her cheating husband with her sister on October 30, it gave a whole new definition to mischief night. Let’s just say dragging two bodies from the bedroom to the local lake can put a crick in anyone’s neck – that plus tripping on the roots of a Cyprus tree and tumbling down the muddy hill and breaking your neck. So now, when anyone in town hears a twig snap, they jump in fear that The Widow and her broken neck are there to take them to a watery grave.

You’ll make all the heads in the neighborhood turn once you add The Widow animatronic to your Halloween display. Standing at five feet eight inches tall with a neck that viciously snaps when activated, you don’t want to be in the path of this widow when she goes berserk. You’ll never forget the sounds of The Widow once you hear her hysterical cries of screaming and laughter for yourself. 

She’s fabulous. Times I have actually looked like this:

• When there are maggots crawling in the trashcans feasting on leftover wings that my sons did not dispose of properly.
• When I catch up on laundry and the boys throw all of their dirty towels into the laundry room.
• When I hear the phrase “social media presence.”
• When someone sits in my favorite church pew before I arrive to mass.
• When friends visit, and I am forced to sit on the beach.

I won’t be in New Jersey for Halloween, but I’m getting her. Visit my yard and take a gander. May my sons do her proud.