(Cheat day, today. Sorry, I’ll have something good for you tomorrow…)
Seinfeld episode “The Abstinence”
George: I’ve been thinking a lot clearer lately.
Jerry: That’s because you’re no longer pre-occupied with sex, so your mind is able to focus.
George: You think?
Jerry: Yeah. I mean, let’s say this is your brain. (Holds lettuce head) Okay, from what I know about you, your brain consists of two parts: the intellect, represented here (Pulls off tiny piece of lettuce), and the part obsessed with sex. (Shows large piece) Now granted, you have extracted an astonishing amount from this little scrap. But with no-sex-Louise, this previously useless lump, is now functioning for the first time in its existence. (Eats tiny piece of lettuce)
Elaine: But how come he’s gettin’ so smart? I stopped having sex with Ben three days ago and I don’t know no Portuguese.
Jerry: Are you all right?
Elaine: I don’t know. It’s just the last coupla days my mind has been, not good.
Jerry: Wait a second, I know what’s happening. The no-sex thing is having a reverse effect on you.
Elaine: What? What are you talking about?
Jerry: To a woman, sex is like the garbage man. You just take for granted the fact that any time you put some trash out on the street, a guy in a jumpsuit’s gonna come along and pick it up. But now, it’s like a garbage strike. The bags are piling up in your head. The sidewalk is blocked. Nothing’s getting through. You’re stupid.
Elaine: I don’t understand.
Jerry: Exactly.
Here is an email recently sent to me:
Reader: You haven’t posted about Nookie in awhile. Wassup?
Maybe because I’m not getting any, asshole, and there’s nothing to say. I’m funneling my energy into my writing, my workouts and my upcoming trips. Did I mention I leave for Alaska one week from today? I mean, I have plenty to do in my spare time and I don’t miss sex at all.
Sigh. Now if you’ll excuse me, I just remembered where I left my retainer in second grade.
Enjoy the video.
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