(I wouldn’t normally post on a national holiday, but I feel bad about last week, so here’s a chuckle for you):

Our family bottle of Hair, Skin and Nail vitamin gummies sits front and center on the kitchen island, next to the chewable Vitamin C. They taste like strawberry fruit snacks, so the boys are always ready to stop and grab some chewies on their way out or in the door. They like to say that the gummies are the reason their childhood friend Jack is 6’5”, since he used to eat five or so a day when he would visit as a young boy.

Recently, I have added Women’s Complete vitamin gummies to my repertoire, and while they are not quite as delicious, they are still fruity and palatable. The plastic bottle that holds my vitamins looks exactly like the Hair, Skin and Nail gummies bottle.

One innocuous morning as I sat on the patio, my son rushed out the door, ready for work but looking stricken:

Him: “Mom, I just ate five of your women’s vitamin gummies thinking they were the other gummies! What should I do? Is there estrogen in them? What should I do?”

Me: (Looking at him over my glasses)

Him: “I mean, am I ok? Will I be ok?”

Me:

Him: “Should I make myself throw up? Will I grow unwanted hair in strange places? Will I grow breasts?”

Me:

Him: “Will my voice get higher? Will I get more sensitive? Will I get the urge to go shopping?”

Me:

Him: Will it affect my virility? My sperm count? My ability to please a woman?

Me:

Him: (Calming down): “Yeah, you’re right. This is nothing to panic about. Most guys could use a more feminine side, right? Girls like that.”

Me:

Him: “Of course they do. Yeah. This is nothing to worry about. It’s just a handful of vitamins. Maybe my hair will get softer, and I will finally understand the lure of “Bridgerton.”

Me:

Him: “Maybe I’ll try re-reading Pride and Prejudice tonight. Yeah, this is going to be fine.”

Me:

Him: “Alright. I’m headed to work. Thanks for calming me down, Mom.”

Me: “Don’t mention it.”