I had to head out of town for a few hours this past weekend, and I passed by the saddest little strip mall. It struck me as so pathetic that I actually pulled over into it so as to deduce what about it made me so sad.

Well, it was deserted save for a few cars, mostly likely belonging to employees. It was gray, and seedy, and forlorn. I don’t know, it just gave off this jilted kind of vibe.

But the more I looked at it, the more I liked it. The stores all kind of gelled together, so I took some notes on how it was a one-stop shopping kind of spot for the real down-and-out. Here were the stores’ actual names:

CBD Wellness

Divorce (No explanation, just the word “Divorce”)

Checks Cashed

Granite and Marble

Henna Tattoos

Chinese Food

Tarot Reader

Framer’s Work Room

So you can file for an expensive divorce, get the signed divorce agreement framed in an expensive frame and then cash your alimony check. You can get stoned on pricey CBD oil, and binge on Moo Shoo Pork when the munchies kick in. You can get an expensive divorce tattoo that you will inevitably regret, something like, “Enjoy the silence” or “The Past is Practice,” then get your tarot cards read, upon which the woman will tell you that you recently rid yourself of a burden that’s been holding you down for years. Finally, once you add up how much your day cost you, you can bop into the granite store and bang your head on the marble samples.

Nothing like a productive day.