(Congratulations to Wyndham Clark and family. The following is simply satire and my sour grapes as I continue to wait for Rickie to win a major).

Baby is born. Mother and father look at baby, and smile.

“He looks like a Wyndham.”

Said no parents ever.

Who the hell is Wyndham Clark? No disrespect intended, but I wasn’t convinced he existed until Sunday, as he finally made an appearance, teeing off at the U.S. Open with Rickie. I thought perhaps he was like the pacing horse they let race with Seabiscuit, his proximity keeping Seabiscuit sharp and competitive.

I only know a few things about LIV, and even those facts might be wrong. I knew my favorite golfers all of a sudden disappeared, and I had to text my son to ask him why. Supposedly some major golfers Took the Money (30m, I heard?) and Ran to play for the Saudi Arabia golf league. Some, like Rory, didn’t, and stuck with the PGA. Now LIV and PGA have merged, the Big Boys are back in town, and people are mad because they shouldn’t just be allowed back in, just like that. Besides, we shouldn’t just forgive Saudi Arabia for 911 just because they’re financing Dustin Johnson’s yacht.

I say who cares? I missed DJ, and Bryson, and the others. It was no fun without them. With all due respect to Rory, and Jordan, and Justin, but we needed the bad boys back. No party is fun without the bad boys.

But even with the bad boys back, what I saw of the Open this weekend was mostly a Snooze Fest. #1 Scottie walking around looking goofy, Fleetwood making the lowest round in Open history, Bryson missing putts, and DJ looking like he just misses his wife’s ass, which if you don’t know is posted all over Instagram.

Hey, all the power to her. Everyone works with what they have, but how much attention does one human being need?

But I digress.

The antagonist of this piece would have to be the L.A. backdrop, looking dark and ominous, like Gotham City, even with the sun shining. The announcers kept calling the backdrop “beautiful,” as if we could ever forget what condition that city is actually in right now.

If you’re a Rickie Fowler fan like me, you’ve been waiting a long time for Ricky to win a major. I hope it’s today. At the time of this writing, baby Wyndham is -11, with both Rory and Rickie both at -10. I had to go to the driving range to work off my nervousness.

It’s Rickie’s time.