Dear Wanker:

Hey, I’m not here to preach. It’s just that I pride myself on returning carts to the cart corrals in parking lots. It’s such a small and easy thing one can do for humanity. When you consider global warming, oil spills, political vitriol and the possible extinction of the vaquita and the amur leopard, replacing a cart in the cart corral isn’t that big of an inconvenience.

But that’s just me.

I saw you at Target, you know. Real early, about 8:15 a.m., only five cars in the parking lot on Thursday morning. Remember that day? There was a storm rolling through, and the wind was cranking. I saw you leave Target, unload your cart, get into your car and leave.  

You saw me. I know you saw me. And I know you saw that cart whip itself across the parking lot into that red Accord. And then you left.

Which is when you officially became a wanker of the nth degree.

You must have also realized that the Accord most likely belonged to an employee When I went into Target, I was the only customer. So it stands to reason that that employee is going to work a long day, walk through the parking lot, and face a dinged car door.

After you sped away, I moved the cart off the Accord and placed the cart in the corral. People like me are always correcting the mistakes of people like you. I felt like leaving a note, to apologize to the owner of the Accord for you being such a wanker, but why should I apologize for you, too?

Must we balanced people always apologize for the existence of wankers?

Returning a cart to a corral, especially on a windy day, is not just about returning a cart to a corral. It’s not even just about consideration. It’s so much deeper than that, in a place that if you search real hard, deep down in your soul, you meet the person you are.

Can returning a cart to the cart corral really be that philosophical? Can it really be a testimonial of one’s relationship with the Universe?

Yes, I think it can. Because when you return a cart to the cart corral, you are accepting the moment. No matter how rushed you are, no matter what the weather is, you are embracing a moment that puts you in sync with the Universe. You are making the choice to do the right thing. To be a good person.

And that’s no small thing.

So I exhort you to think next time about your choices. Because one day, it might your car’s exterior meeting a wheeled projectile.

You would deserve it. Wanker.