5 Ugly Truths

Thank you to Mark Manson, the current reigning king of not giving a f***, for these five truths that he says are hard to hear:

  1.  At some point we must all admit the inevitable: life is short, not all of our dreams can come true, so we should carefully pick and choose what we have the best shot at and then commit.

2. We try things. Some of them go well. Some of them don’t. The point is to stick with the ones that go well and move on, not get upset about every little thing that didn’t go our way.

3. What we don’t realize is that there is a fine art of non-fuck-giving. People aren’t born not giving a fuck. Not giving a fuck must be honed over years of deliberate practice.

4. Finding meaning and purpose is not a five-day spa retreat. It’s a fucking hike through mud and shit with golf-ball sized hail pelting you in the face. And you have to love it. You have to laugh about it. To show the world your gleaming bruises and scars and say, “I stood for THIS.”

5. No one is going to stand up at your funeral and say, “He fucked like a wildebeest and had the best golf swing I’ve ever seen.” Life is about loving people, not impressing them.

And if #5 describes you even slightly, call me. Lol

Let Me Explain…

This post was initially supposed to be a: List of Things I Do That Make Me Feel the Need to Explain Myself to Others

I thought it was funny, since I don’t explain any of my choices to anyone, ever. I have reached that fabulous age of 54 at which I am happy to report I give no fucks what people (save my children) think about me or my choices. Literally none. I never really did, to be honest. I did the dog-and-pony show when the boys were younger, but that show has left the fairgrounds, to be honest. I have reached a beautiful dangerous level of freedom.

Here’s the original list.

Feeding change into the coin dispenser in the supermarket:

Me explaining to an acquaintance who is walking by: “Whenever our piggy bank gets full, I change the coins and give my sons gas money. It’s not like I’m using it to pay the electric bill…”

Driving anywhere when a police officer appears anywhere near me:

Me talking subliminally to police officer: How do you do? I’m doing well. I’m not speeding, and I’m wearing my seatbelt. Look how upright my posture is, and how I make a complete stop. I want you to be proud of me. Are you proud of me? Thank you for your service.”

Bringing clothes to Salvation Army:

Me talking to surveillance camera: Just some old clothes. Nothing to see here.

Getting a table for one so as to get some work done out of the house:

Me to hostess/waitress: “Well, Starbucks seating is closed. I just need to get some work done, and I want to have a drink. I promise to leave in the 90-minute seating limit.”

Buying six candles in Yankee Candle because they’re Buy Three Get Three Free:

Me to cashier: I like candles. A lot.

So eventually, my research on not giving a fuck eventually led to Mark Manson. Anything about giving fucks leads to Mark Manson. Here’s one of his best quotes:

You and everyone you know are going to be dead soon. And in the short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of fucks to give. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a fuck about everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice- well then, you’re going to get fucked.

If you’ve never read Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, don’t take it the wrong way. He’s not suggesting you begin to rob banks, neglect your children, or tell people off in the grocery store. No. What Manson is saying is that you should choose your fucks carefully.

Times when saying “I don’t give a fuck” is the wrong response:

“Yo, dude, you’re getting audited.”

“Mom, my car broke down on the side of the road in upstate New York.”

“There’s a rat in the kitchen.”

“I love you.”

Since I’m eager to begin my weekend, I’ll leave you today with a few more Mansonisms and move on. If you want to learn more about how not to give a fuck, pick up his book. And as you go into the weekend, remember: choose those fucks carefully. I know I do.

The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.

Life is essentially an endless series of problems. The solution to one problem is merely the creation of another.

When we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times, and that’s when life fucks us.

Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy.

And finally:

There is a simple realization from which all personal improvement and growth emerges. This is the realization: that we, individually, are responsible for everything in our lives, no matter the external circumstances. We don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond. Whether we consciously recognize it or not, we are always responsible for our experiences. It’s impossible not to be. Choosing to not consciously interpret events in our lives is still an interpretation of the events in our lives.