This is in homage to my good friend the late Nora Ephron, who I have to thank for the title of this post. Her version of this list is included in her book I Remember Nothing, but the following items are mine (*these are Nora’s. They were too good to not include).

1. People who claim to understand nutrition still refuse to eat the egg yolk.
2. Cameron Diaz and Nicole Richie are sisters-in-law.
3. Hollywood and its vacuous celebrities have absolutely no influence on any voter in the country.
4. Democrats vote Democrat. Republicans vote Republican.
5. Pornography is mainstream.
6. Bagels contain the same amount of carbs as four pieces of toast.
7. If you like bagels, the carbs are irrelevant.
8. Women like the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition too.
9. *Howard Stern is nice in person.
10. Big houses are expensive and will eventually be too big for the people living there.
11. Men like nakedity. Period. You’re beautiful.
12. We have never, and will never, deserve animals.
13. We will all eventually get old, gray and lumpy, no matter how hard we fight it.
14. *Freedom of the press belongs to the man who owns one.
15. The stock market and golf scoring are impossible to explain to someone who simply doesn’t care.
16. *The Democrats are deeply disappointing.
17. Everyone has secrets they have never told anyone, and never will.
18. The importance of a Presidential election is always about the Supreme Court.
19. Dietary cholesterol has nothing whatsoever to do with your cholesterol count. Enjoy the hell out of that butter.
20. Busy used to be the new thin. Now masks are the new busy. People used to post pictures of themselves on Instagram doing various activities- travel, school events, 5Ks. Now they post pictures of themselves wearing a mask while working, cooking and playing from home. Food porn seems big, too. Big colorful pictures of jambalaya spread across Instagram with the caption, “Look what we made!” Not sure how I feel about any of it, not sure I even care, but I know this: masks don’t do shit.