I was in the kitchen cleaning my Hydroflask, dragging a wet washcloth around the ridges of the lid and mouth, when my son walked in.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

I looked up. “Cleaning my Hydroflask.” I pointed. “See these ridges around the lid and the mouth? They collect dirt, grime and mildew. You have to be vigilant, especially in the summer.”

His face was blank, an expression I knew very well, so I asked him:

“Don’t you ever clean your Hydroflask?”

Him:

“Ever? You’ve owned it for years, you use it every day. NEVER?”

Him:

“Oh my God, clean it right now. Do you have any idea what could be inside it?”

He shrugged.

“It’ll build my immune system.”

“Huh? How?”

“Dunno, it just will.”

Blown away by his lack of scientific acumen, I watched him walk away looking very pleased with himself. Later that week I commented that the air conditioning unit in their man cave had been pumping out mold spores into their lungs for the past eight years and that perhaps it was time for them to purchase a new one before the onset of Legionnaires’ disease. I got the line again.

“Nah, it’ll be good for our immune systems”

This continued on for several weeks.

Me: “Your bedroom is so messy.”

“It builds my immune system.”

Me: “Did you check the expiration date on that mayonnaise?”

“No. It’ll build my immune system.”

Me: “Honey, don’t stuff yourself, you’ll make yourself sick.”

“Good for the immune system.”

Me: “You guys don’t get enough sleep.”

“It’ll toughen us up. Good for the immune system.”

Recently I have raised the temperature on the upstairs thermostat, which has met with some groans and grumbles.

“Mom, it’s so hot in our rooms. Can you lower the thermostat, just a little? Why is it so high?”

It’s good for the immune system.