My skin care routine is quite involved. I buy hundreds of expensive skin care products a month, spend hours at the salon and in front of the mirror, and go to fancy spas for high-end beauty treatments. It’s just exhausting.

JK.

I do as close to nothing as possible. I rub Cetaphil Soft Scrub on my face in the shower. Sometimes I use Mac tinted moisturizer, and in the winter I slather on Mac Strobe Cream, my favorite product of all time. In between facials I will exfoliate with a face scrub like Sugar Face Polish from Sephora. And I love Mac makeup removing wipes. And when I run out of product, I go into my sample bag. Every woman has one, a bag where she throws all of the sample products she gets in the mail and in stores. I’ll just use stuff until I run out, and I also pack them in my travel bag.

Complex, huh?

I read articles all of the time about facial care routines, and it strikes me that female consumers are tricked into believing that they must buy expensive skin care products in order to have nice skin.

Horseshit.

Good skin is 80% genetic, just like being in shape is 80% diet and nutrition. I could never be a successful personal trainer, because I would feel compelled to tell my clients the truth:

“Exercise is good for you. It gets your heart rate up, and movement of any kind is health-enhancing. But if you’re going to go home day-after-day and eat badly or too much, no amount of squats, lunges or planks will matter. Nothing you do in the gym matters if you don’t have your nutrition on point.”

That would be an effective motivating speech, and I’d probably feel bad as the client demanded their money back. But hey, we all know the truth: You can’t outrun your fork, and you can’t outrun your face.

Genetically speaking.

I do the bare minimum for skin care. Sometimes in the shower, I’ll exfoliate. I’ll get a facial from Jessica a few times a year. I drink a lot of water, eat some vegetables and fruit, and get good sleep and exercise. I’m happy and love fresh air. But there are women who do all of that, and still describe their skin as ruddy. Sallow. Greasy. Oily. Pallid. And these women can buy as many expensive products as they want, use thick makeup and foundation and color, and the same will remain:

You’ll get what Great-Granny gives you, and you’ll like it. We have to accept what we’ve been given. I got great skin, and pretty feet. I also inherited a wide nose and thick thighs.

What’s a girl gonna do?