I know you’ve been waiting anxiously for this announcement, so I am happy to report that Mr. and Mrs. Duck have officially returned home for their spring break, as of yesterday. If you drive past my house, keep an eye out- they like to cross the street slowly many times a day. If you didn’t read the post a few months ago about Mr. and Mrs. Duck, they return every spring to hang out under my birdfeeders. They show up alone at first, then as the spring wears on into the summer, they bring friends and relatives. I make sure to have provisions ready for their extended family.

So now I will check under the bird feeders twenty times a day to see if they’ve stopped by for a snack. I will be careful to move slowly, so as not to startle them. I will praise Mr. Duck for being gallant and letting the Missus eat first while he watches over her for imminent danger. I will leave water out, and keep the cracked corn handy near the front door for anyone who wants to toss them a small handful (they can get greedy, so we are careful how much we give them). When they are full, you can sometimes catch them sunbathing on my patio, on the grass or the sidewalk.

They’re getting some prime spring break real estate.

I’m also happy to report that my Easter bunnies are back as well, staring at me in the yard in the morning and late evenings, hoping to cop some carrots or lettuce that they know I keep on hand. The squirrels are also reappearing in my open doorway, waiting for peanuts. By mid-summer, Mr. Squirrel (I’m terrible at naming creatures, that’s the most original I get), the bravest of them all, will come all the way into my foyer and stare at me until I throw him a peanut. He gets so brave by summer that I can’t leave the door open, or he will come all the way into the house. One day when I was working at the counter, he brushed past my ankle, startling me so much that I jumped out of my seat and scared the dickens out of him. He didn’t return for weeks. I felt bad about that.

I have one son home, the other two arrive later this week, and that will take care of all my creatures. They will all be home, staring at me and waiting for food. The boys, the ducks, the bunnies, the squirrels and the birds. They’re all the same. They’re always hungry. They bring extra guests like they’re doing me a big favor. They stare at me, trying to look as pathetic as possible so I will prepare them food. They lay all over the yard and the patio and house, like they help to pay the mortgage.

Here’s a little anthropomorphic skit for you. I will speak in Duck, but keep in mind you can substitute the language of Boy and it still works.

Mary goes outside to retrieve the paper, and watches as Mr. and Mrs. Duck waddle towards her:

Mary: Good morning you two. How’s everything going?

Mr. Duck: Good! Great! Fine morning! (Stalls) Soooo, what are you up to today?

Mary: Nothing, just leaving to run errands. How about you?

Mr. Duck: Just chilling, and considering what we’re having for breakfast. We’re not sure what we’re in the mood for.

Mrs. Duck: Yes, we didn’t eat ANYTHING last night.

Mary: (Dubious) Is that right? And why is that?

Mrs. Duck: Well, we hung out in your neighbor’s pool all day, so we skipped dinner. We’re starved.

Mary: Ah. So you’re starved. I see. Have you tried getting some worms or bugs out of the ground?

Mr. Duck: Well, the problem with that, see, is that we’re a little pressed for time.

Mrs. Duck: (Nods) Yes. Pressed for time. That’s right.

Mary: Pressed for time? What do you have going on?

Mr. Duck: Well, we’re due down the street at 9:00 a.m. for stale bread, so you see that only leaves us about thirty minutes. We were hoping some bird food may have dropped onto the ground, but there’s nothing.

(They both look down at their feet, pathetically)

Mary: (Reluctantly) Well, I have a few minutes until I have to leave, would you like some cracked corn?

Mr. Duck: REALLY? That would be awesome, I mean, if you’re sure it’s no trouble. We were just talking (nods towards Mrs. Duck, who nods enthusiastically back) that cracked corn is just what we were in the mood for.

Mary: Wow. What a coincidence.

Mrs. Duck: Right?!! It really is! Thanks so much!

Mary: Don’t mention it. I’ll be right back.

Mr. Duck (murmuring to Mrs. Duck as Mary goes into the house): She’s the best, isn’t she? I told you, she’s the best…I love coming here…

Mary rolls her eyes as she overhears this discussion, and she returns with a cup of cracked corn. She is surprised to see that there are two more ducks waiting under the feeder.

Mary: (Feeds Mr. and Mrs. Duck) Well, who do we have here?

Mr. Duck: Oh, these are my friends Jimmy and Johnny from Florida. We hung out all winter, and I told them all about you, and they insisted on visiting this spring. It’s no trouble that they’re here, is it?

Mary: No, I guess I have plenty, but there’s not much room…

Duck Friends: Oh, we won’t take up much room, Mrs. Oves, we promise. We’re just going to hang out on the beach and the boardwalk for a few days. We’ll just be here to sleep, you won’t even know we’re here.

Mary: Is that right?

Mrs. Duck: You have my word on that. They will be gone by Sunday morning, and they’ll clean up after themselves.

Mary: Yeah, sure. Well, are you guys hungry too?

Duck Friends: No, don’t worry about us, we’re fine, we had some small water snails a few days ago, we’re still full…(they look down at their feet, pathetically)

Mary: You’re still full from a few days ago? That’s impossible. Let me get you something to eat.

Duck Friends: No, seriously, we’re fine. We’re going to head to the beach in a few minutes, maybe we’ll get lucky and find a crayfish.

Mary: Well, ok, if you’re sure…(Gathers up her stuff to leave)

Duck Friends: (Quickly, alarmed) Well…we don’t want to be rude, I mean, if you insist, we would really appreciate it. It’s so nice to meet you, we’ve heard so much about you!

Mary: It’s no trouble. (Goes back into the house to get more cracked corn)

Mr. Duck: Did I tell you? Did I tell you? Isn’t she great?

Duck Friends: You weren’t kidding, she’s spectacular, thanks for the suggestion.

All ducks hang out, compare webbed feet size, and laugh quietly together at a memory from their time in the Everglades. Mary returns and scatters cracked corn for Duck Friends. All ducks eat. Mary watches.

Mary: So, Jimmy and Johnny, what are your plans while you’re here?

Jimmy: Well, Mrs. Oves, I’m gonna crack corn and guess what?

Mary: (Dreading it) What?

Jimmy: I don’t care!

All ducks laugh uproariously and Mary leaves for errands, shaking her head to the sound of quacking.