Who was the first person who decided to put cutesy cartoon characters on duct tape? If you ask me, it makes it more sinister, not less.

Why is duct tape so creepy?

I try to catch up on academic articles and literary journal essays on the weekends, and I was recently having trouble getting through this particularly obscure piece. I was not connecting with it even after several attempts, and ready to call it quits. Suddenly the phrase “duct tape over his mouth,” appeared, and I perked right up

“Ooh,” I thought, diving back in. “Whose mouth is getting duct taped and why?” I climbed back into the piece to find out.

Can you think of one good, happy reason that duct tape would be used? We use scotch tape to wrap gifts. Masking tape to hang cheerful posters. Packing tape to secure moving boxes. But duct tape always seems to cover mouths, broken car windows, and wall cracks.

My wall cracks.

I had a squirrel living in my foyer ceiling almost all winter, and into spring. It’s a long story I’m not ready to share in its entirety. Needless to say, whenever it gnawed a new spot into the ceiling, we applied duct tape to that spot. Then it would search for a new vulnerability, and gnaw that area. Duct tape. Gnaw. Duct tape.

I eventually ran out, and bought some cute duct tape with frogs on it. It didn’t make the situation any cuter.

The squirrel has expired, but now my foyer walls and parts of the ceiling are covered in frog-emblazoned duct tape. And as you might have guessed, when I peel it away, the artisan paint and dry wall comes with it.

Oi.

Know a good painter?