I like the scene in the movie “Home Alone” when Kevin is walking home with his groceries, and the bottom rips out of the grocery bag, spilling the groceries on the sidewalk. So much so that I personally recreated the same scene at work yesterday.
On long days on campus, I bring an assortment of food stuffs. Bringing a healthy assortment of snacks keeps me from drifting towards the crap machines. A crafty ploy.
Between my first and second classes, as I was waiting for the elevator, the bottom ripped out of my bag, and I’m sure my face registered the same expression Kevin’s did in the film. That look of:
WTF.
I knew why it happened. At the last minute, I had grabbed a frozen bottle of water out my freezer, ostensibly to replenish my flask at lunch. I don’t know why that frozen bottle of water was in there, probably from one of the boys drifting in and out of the house, treating our home like a Marriott, as they do.
It being humid out, the frozen bottle drenched the paper bottom of the bag. I mean, you get the idea. It was class change, so a few dozen people were passing through the hallways. A couple of good Samaritans stopped to gather my wares off the floor, and I wonder what they thought of the sundry assortment.
Listen, when I pack my lunch bag in the morning, I’m not thinking. My main goal is to simply use what I have “in the house.” This is my new adult thing: to use what is “in the house.” It is truly something I enjoy doing now that the boys are all out of the house, using whatever I have in the house since I don’t have to shop for them anymore.
I had brought:
Half veggie sandwich
5 carrot coins
8 overripe blackberries
Small plain yogurt
Half dozen Wheat Thins
Small bag of vanilla granola
2 chocolate raspberry truffles from the Ritz-Carlton in Philadelphia
2 small pieces Willy Wallaby black licorice
“Here ya go, here ya go, here ya go….”
The sandwich and licorice survived. The carrots fell out of their wrap, the blackberries disintegrated, the yogurt opened on the floor, and the rest, I’m sorry to say, suffered various life-ending morbidities. It was a real mess.
KEVIN!
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