Back in Black

Mary’s Closet: I contain 83 different styles of black dresses.

Mary’s Brain: I could definitely use another black dress.

What is it about the LBD? Even if a woman is not necessarily gaga over fashion, odds are she has one favorite go-to black dress she wears for funerals, cocktail parties or other special events.

You’re picturing yours right now.

Mine is a Nicole Miller sleeveless sheath I wear to weddings and fancy events. I also have a long-sleeve sheath I wear for teaching, funerals and interviews (wait, is this list redundant?) Absolutely sophisticated and no-nonsense.

We love the LBD because it’s instantly easy. Effortlessly glamorous. Astoundingly versatile. Magically forgiving. Consistently low maintenance. It can be dressed up or down with any kind of shoes or jewelry. Whether you are wearing makeup or you are makeup free, it always looks perfect. Blonde, brunette, hair up, hair down, always looks amazing.

This post will be about my favorite LBD moments of all time. First, let me pay a quick homage to four older moments:

• Audrey Hepburn in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”
• Grace Kelly in “Rear Window”
• Marilyn Monroe in “Asphalt Jungle”
• Rita Hayworth in “Gilda”

Yawn. Glad that’s over. Not that I don’t think these women weren’t LBD stunners, but to me, they were more like beautiful mannequins. The modern moments I am presenting next are from women who made the LBD fluid and authentic in the context of the moment. These are in alphabetical order, because I could never choose between them:

• Anne Hathaway in “Devil Wears Prada”: She steps out of her taxi in black silk Valentino and winks slyly at Stanley Tucci, her hair pulled to the side fastened with an orchid. Effortlessly chic.

• Carolyn Besette-Kennedy attending an art gala in Yamamoto’s fall/winter 1998 obi gown with velvet opera gloves. What a loss of a beautiful young girl who fell in love with a boy named John and fought for privacy in her life with him. No one wore black with red lipstick better than Carolyn. No one. I still miss her.

• Christina Applegate’s black suit in “The Sweetest Thing”: Christina Applegate is so freaking talented, it’s easy to forget how drop-dead gorgeous she is. In this opening scene of this rather terrible movie she is wearing a rather conservative black suit and stilettos, but the blazer drastically plunges to reveal a glimpse of a red silk camisole. She is speaking to Cameron Diaz through Bluetooth while she just slinks her gorgeous dancer’s body down the street.

• Diane Keaton in “Something’s Gotta Give”: The simple black dress she’s wearing in the scene when the much younger Keanu Reeves picks her up for dinner is accessorized only with a surprisingly eclectic lariat necklace. Her hair is soft and shiny, her makeup simple and dewy, her warm smile like the proverbial Cat-That-Ate-The-Canary. This is a woman who knows how gorgeous she is. Great moment, and a tribute to sexy older women.

• Kim Basinger in “9 ½ Weeks”: One of the most astoundingly beautiful women to ever walk the planet cast in a hauntingly erotic movie, a favorite movie of mine. Elizabeth’s wardrobe in this movie was the pinnacle of 1980’s power dressing featuring soft structured silhouettes in charcoal greys and beiges. There are so many astounding black dress moments in this movie: the batwing dress with stilettos and a smoky eye in the riding crop scene, the black slip-dress in the blindfold scene, the black skirt in the striptease scene, or the structured power suit she wore in the “Elizabeth, We’re Going to Play a Little Game” scene (Wink-wink). There’s another great moment in a high-end store when Elizabeth is trying on an expensive power suit in front of a full-length mirror. Creepy Mickey Rourke hovers in the background with an adoring smile on his face and tells the store owner they’ll take the suit.

Elizabeth: John, aren’t you going to ask me if I like this?”

John: (Smiles and shakes his head) No.  

• Melanie Griffith in “Working Girl”: Not a huge Melanie Griffith fan, but I love this movie. And when she wears the off-the-shoulder velvet sparkly cocktail dress to the company cocktail party, and pairs it with black stockings and sky-high heels, you have to defer to the moment. No wonder Harrison Ford crossed the room to talk to her. Great great dress.

• Princess Diana’s Revenge Dress: Just like when the Twin Towers fell, most people remember what they were doing the day they heard that Princess Diana had died. The “People’s Princess” will be missed forever, and her “Revenge Dress” will be remembered just as long. Charles had just confessed to the entire world in a public interview that he had been unfaithful to Diana with Camilla, so that night Diana showed up at a Vanity Fair party in a slinky off-the-shoulder dress designed by Christina Stambolian. You could almost hear the world’s collective gasp. Hardly a dress for a meek princess, and it was what we all loved about it. She wanted to show up looking like a hot desirable woman, not a spurned pitiable divorcee. Boy, did she succeed.

• Sandra Bullock in “The Proposal”: Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail so severe that it squinted her eyes, and her tight unforgiving black suit said all that we needed to know about her character Margaret: Don’t come too close, I bite. The skirt was so tight she could barely move in it but by the end of the movie, as her heart opens, her hair and clothes become looser. Not a suit most women could pull off, and nor would they want to. Watching Margaret’s fashion evolution after this black suit makes its appearance is a great example of a talented costume designer.

• Sarah Jessica-Parker in anything black she has ever worn. Ever.

• Scarlett Johansson in “Avengers”: (Ok, this is not a dress, but Scarlett must be mentioned). Black Widow. Tight, black, leather. Martial arts expert. Master interrogator. Any questions?