Apple Corp Part II

(Apple Corp Part I embedded at bottom).

5:00 a.m. at Apple headquarters. Top staff from the Apple Corporation are once again summoned for early staff meeting. Among those present are Katherine Adams, Eddy Cue, Craig Federighi, John Giannandrea and other assorted senior VPs. They are surly about being woken up so early, but it is summer, and they are all drinking green protein shakes and still wearing the clothes they wore in bikram yoga. Tim Cook bursts through the door.

TC: (Gruffly) Where are we?

Everyone shuffles papers.

TC: Where. Are. We. Oves, right? Isn’t that why we’re here? Again?

CF: Yeah.

TC: 2021, you said. Oves would have a new iPhone by 2021. It’s 2021.

EC: Well yeah Tim, but we’re still in 2021. We still have six months to go.

TC: That doesn’t inspire much confidence. We cannot let her go into 2022 with the same iPhone she’s had for SIX YEARS. Haven’t we already gone through this?

KA: Tim, we’re pulling out all the stops.

TC: Like what, Katherine?

KA: We recently occluded her phone port.

TC: Wha?

JG: She was still using plug-in ear buds, so we occluded her port. It hit her hard. She couldn’t listen to music the entire time she was in Alaska. She didn’t even have music on her flights, you should have seen how angry she was.

(They all shift uncomfortably, thinking of the violent scene she threw in Philadelphia International Airport).

TC: And?

JG: When she got back from Alaska, we tried to get her to upgrade to a new iPhone for “free,” but she refused. She threatened the guy in the phone store and told him she would just go back to a flip phone before she’d get a new iPhone just to listen to music.

TC: (Makes exasperated noise)

KA: But Cookie, we got her to start using wireless ear buds. She said she’d never do that!

TC: She like them?

EC: Yeah, she does. A lot.

TC: Good. What else?

CF: We’ve made great headway this week. Lots of good stuff.

TC: Like?

CF: She uses her front-camera often to check her hair. We’ve made sure that it doesn’t work.

TC: How’s that going?

JG: (Sighs) She doesn’t care. She went back to carrying around an actual mirror.

(All groan. Tim Cook stalks around the room).

KA: Now don’t overreact. We disabled her voice texting feature again, and her autocorrect. They seem to be frustrating her.

TC: That’s what you said last time.

CF: This time it’s different.

TC: How?

CF: Those numbers aren’t in yet. But what I can tell you is that she threw her phone the other day.

TC: (Perks up) She did? Why didn’t you say so?

JG: It was beautiful.

TC: Yes, that’s good stuff. Did it incur any damage?

EC: Well, no, she threw it onto her bed.

TC: (Gets up violently) Jesus…I don’t have time for this, when you have good news, let me know. I want Oves with a new iPhone by the end of the calendar year, do you understand?

EC: Copy that, Cookie, done and done.

TC: (Leaves)

All sit, drained.

KA: I’m so sick of these meetings.

EC: Well, Katherine, you’re the only woman here, you’re the one who is going to have to figure out her weakness. It’s obviously not the camera, or music, or texting. What’s left?

KA: I have a card I can play.

CF: (Leans forward) You don’t say. What?

(They all lean forward)

KA: She has work meetings in New York next week. I’m going to disable her GPS when she is at the top of the Tappan Zee bridge.

All: Oooooohhhhh….

JG: That’s a power move. Risky. Are you sure you’re up to it? It could really backfire.

KA: (Closes her eyes) I have to do something. I’m so sick of these meetings…

JG: Well, ahem. Keep us updated.

KA: Will do.

Stay tuned for the next episode of “Apple Corp.”

https://www.the-not-it-girl.com/2020/11/17/apple-corp/