It’s amazing isn’t it, how much we think we know about death, but how little we actually understand? We prepare for it, and then it crushes us anyway. Someone is here, breathing, and then, they’re not. And that empty space where that person resided, breathed, existed, is just empty space. But what is the saying, energy can neither be created nor destroyed?
It has been three years since the death of my late husband, and people still approach me to tell me they can’t believe he’s gone. People still expect to see him driving around in his truck, standing on the sidelines at football games, and working the table at wrestling tournaments. But he is gone, and those who remain are left bewildered.
I don’t remember much about his funeral. But what I do remember are the buses. Entire buses belching out sports’ teams, fire departments, police departments, board members, council members. Lots of people in uniform. My college roommate being right there, never more than an arm’s distance away. To be honest, the memory is a blur. But I remember feeling gratitude and awe, that he lived a life so many felt worth celebrating. I daresay he never made an enemy in his life. Good grief, I made three enemies already today.
Lol.
I also remember grown men weeping. Ever see that? Grown men on their knees, weeping? Grown men, reduced to tears at the loss of someone who for them defined strength, perseverance, and courage. Grown men who, when facing problems in their own lives, would persevere because “if Tommy can do it, so can I.” Grown men who considered Tom as a litmus test of survival and positivity. Grown men who could barely summon the courage to approach the front of the church. Grown men who hugged me and said, “Now who do I have to look up to?” Grown men who admitted, “I wasn’t sure I could come up here. But then I looked at you and the boys, and saw you were fine. That gave me strength.”
(We were happy about that).
I’m sorry, I’m not trying to make anyone sad. If I wanted to go there, trust me, I could turn it on. But that is not the intention of this post. Let’s relax and have some fun. So as promised to many, here is my celebrity interview, one-on-one, with the General. I will include only memories, not the names of friends or family.
Nickname: General.
Favorite quote: Jimmy Valvano. “Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.”
Favorite band/musical artist: Yes and David Bowie.
Favorite things to watch on television: Fox News, “Storage Wars,” “Airplane Disasters,” and “24.”
Favorite sport: Golf. Damn, I’m good. I’ll be ready for the senior tour by 60.
Favorite memory: (“You mean besides the birth of my sons?” “Yes,” I reply, “of course.”) Biking cross country after college.
Favorite candy: Circus Peanuts. Smarties. Boston Baked Beans. Good-and-Plenty. Mary Janes. Bit O’ Honey. Wax bottles.
Favorite movie: “Animal House.” Or “The Patriot.”
Favorite hot celebrity: Heather Locklear, in her heyday. Then Kathy Ireland. Now? Laura Ingraham.
Biggest regret: Not being able to travel more because of my health issues. I also wish I could golf with my sons and see them get married.
Favorite thing to do on the beach: Cross it to get to the water.
Favorite book: Not a big reader, but Lonesome Dove stands out.
Favorite vacation: Honeymoon in Hawaii and finally seeing the waves on the North Shore. Or every single Myrtle Beach golf trip with the boys.
Favorite Halloween costume: The year I didn’t have one so I wrapped myself in tin foil at the last minute to be the Tin Man.
Favorite day of the week: Sunday football. E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!!!
Favorite Art: The Starry Night by Van Gogh
Favorite ice-cream flavor: Breyers Butter Pecan. Or Breyers Butter Almond. Or Breyers Vanilla. Or Breyers mint chocolate chip. Or sherbet. Tough one.
Favorite food: My mom’s stuffing.
Favorite complete dinner: Chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans.
Favorite dessert: (“Besides ice-cream?” “Yes.”) Lemon meringue pie.
Favorite fruit: Grapefruit
Favorite vehicle: My blue Chevy pickup
Favorite season: Football season
Favorite sport to watch my sons participate in: Wrestling. Or surfing.
Favorite bathroom reading material: Trains Magazine
Favorite thing that distracts you when you’re driving: Looking for trains
Favorite You-tube videos: ESPY speeches. Big wave surfing. And trains.
Morning or Night? Night.
Trump or Biden? Trump.
Coffee or Tea? Coffee.
Toast or Eggs? Eggs. Both.
Over or scrambled? Over light.
White, wheat or rye? White.
Cake or pie? Pie.
Big party or small gathering? Big party. Bigger the better.
Laundry or dishes? Laundry.
Train or plane? (Silence. “Seriously?”)
Save or spend? Save. Except on travel. Spend on travel.
Ocean or mountains? I live at the ocean, so mountains.
Beer or wine? Beer.
Me: One final question
Him: Shoot.
Joy or Grief? Joy. Always joy.
2 Comments
Can’t believe it’s been 3years without my best friend! But in someways it seems longer. It’s almost as if I reject the reality of his death. I see his family,brothers and friends and act as if he is still around. I also reject the physical law that Energy can neither be created or destroyed .
Toms energy was boundless! In the last few years of his life , his physical energy deminished but it seemed as if his spiritual/mental energy grew. This does follow the first law of Thermodynamics. However, after his death , where did all this energy go? This is why so many people were upset. These grown men , uncontrollably sobbing and bus loads of admirers somehow realized that this/his energy may be lost forever!
It been 3 years and I still see no evidence of his energy being transferred! I’ve been looking for a sign of this so-called transfer but come up empty. And the word empty is the best word that I know , that describes his absence. There seems to be a hole in the world of people close to him . And that hole still exists today.
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