(Don’t roll your eyes at me, I saw that. No, this is not another travel post. Gotcha.)
Mary has been inside all day. She has been trying to record a college writing lesson on Adobe Connect, but hour after hour passes, and test after test video is made, but she is unable to see or hear herself. She is cross-eyed with computer fatigue, and knows she is in big trouble. She has never used Adobe Connect before and only has until tomorrow to send the URL link. Mary is panicking, and beginning to refer to herself in the third person. Mary hates technology. Mary likes pens, and notebooks and books with pages, not computers and links and software.
Mary needs help.
7:53 p.m. Mary enters Adobe Chat Room.
Plexat enters the chat.
P: How I help you?
(Mary explains the situation)
P: What your Adobe account URL?
M: I have no idea. You want my username?
P: No your URL.
M: What is that?
P: You know, something like *********adobeconnect.com
M: Oh. How do I find that?
P: Send me the URL.
M: What, you mean like copy it and paste it to you?
P: That could work.
(Mary has about twenty tabs open, but manages to find the correct one, and copies and pastes the URL into the chat with success)
P: Please click on this link.
M: Ok. (She clicks)
P: Please accept the terms.
M: Ok. (She accepts)
P: Do I have permission to share your screen?
M: Ok. How should I do that?
P: I do.
M: You do? How do you do?
P: I’m fine, how do you do?
M: Is this a joke?
P: Click “yes” in box.
M: Ok.
P: Now please log into your Adobe Connect account.
(Mary begins to slide around her computer screen to find the correct tab. After two minutes, she manages to find the Adobe Connect screen, but it occurs to her that Plexat saw every screen open on her desktop, including the make-out scene between Denise Richards and Neve Campbell in the movie “Wild Things.” Research, readers, I swear).
P: You find?
M: Yes.
Adobe Connect screen opens, but Mary forgets that Plexat has access to her computer screen, and she continues to click and scroll, looking for the Meeting tab.
P: Please stop.
M: What?
P: Please let me. Please I do.
M: Fine, you do.
Mary sees Plexat’s cursor running over her computer screen, and she is both amazed and horrified that someone thousands of miles away could be accessing her computer. She watches as Plexat gets to the correct screen, and suddenly, Mary’s face pops up on video.
P: You have video now.
M: That’s great! (Although by now it is 9:00 p.m., and twelve hours of computer work have reduced Mary to a dead ringer for the Crypt Keeper).
P: Let me work on sound.
Plexat continues to fly around the Adobe Connect meeting screen, ticking off strange boxes Mary never knew existed.
P: Say something.
M: Huh?
P: Out loud, no type. And more than that.
M: Oh, um. Ok. (Mary sings) “I’ve been around for you, been up and down for you, but I just can’t get any relief. I’ve swallowed my pride for you, lived and lied for you, but you still make me feel like a thief.”
P: (As he plays around with the screen) That good. What that?
M: Huh?
P: What that?
M: What I sang?
P: Yes.
M: Song lyrics. REO Speedwagon.
P: Arrrrreooo?
M: REO. Speedwagon.
P: Noice.
M: Noise?
P: No, noice. Like fine.
M: Oh.
P: Try to play video again, please.
M: (Mary pushes play, and horrified, watches herself sing): “I’ve been around for you, been up and down for you, but I just can’t get any relief. I’ve swallowed my pride for you lived and lied for you, but you still make me feel like a thief.”
P: This is good. You have video and sound.
M: Awesome, thanks, so all I have to do tomorrow is record and save and I’m good?
P: You good.
M: No, you better.
P: Noice.