I tried calling Walgreen’s pharmacy to tell them that my son would be late for his booster appointment as he was on the way back from a snowboarding trip, but I kept getting recordings. The only thing to do in that situation, my friends, is to remain completely silent on the phone. If you don’t give the bots a choice, it defaults you to a human being, which is what happened today. It usually works.
Usually.
Using the silent treatment in a face-to-face human interaction can be trickier, because you’re dealing with personality and temperament. I used the silent treatment so effectively last week at Barnes and Noble that I want to share it with you. You might see this quick skit on my Netflix series in the future:
(Mary ready to check-out at Barnes and Noble, and not in the mood for chit-chat):
Old chirpy store associate: Hi, you find everything you were looking for?
Me: (Determined to avoid small talk): Yes.
SA: Are you a member?
Me: Yes.
SA: Can I have your cell phone number?
Me: (Gives it).
SA: Hey, you have a $1.00 cookie from the bakery today, it expires in 3 ½ minutes, would you like to redeem it?
Me: No.
SA: You’re sure? They’re still warm.
Me: No. Look, I’m kinda in a rush.
SA: (Slightly miffed) I also see that you have the educator discount, but it’s expired. Let me get that current for you.
Me:
SA: Taps. Taps. Taps.
Me:
SA: (Taps. Taps. Taps).
Me:
SA: I’m so sorry, I’ve forgotten my employee ID.
Me:
SA: Let me try something else (taps taps taps).
Me:
SA: I’m so sorry, it’s not working. I must be getting old! (laughs)
Me:
SA: You said you were in a rush, I’m so sorry, thank you for your patience.
Me:
SA: (Taps. Taps. Taps.)
Me:
SA: Got it! There we go! Last time’s the charm!
Me:
SA: I changed my password from my dog’s name to my cat’s Instagram handle. You a cat person?
Me:
SA: Not a people person either, I can see. So that’ll be $12.99.
Me: (Hands her money).
SA: Sorry for the inconvenience today, some days are like that, right?
Me:
SA: (Hands me bag). Thanks again for your patience.
Me: Thanks. (Walks out).