My most recent toxic trait (other than buying fresh mint, basil and parsley and then letting them wilt in my refrigerator) is applying for lowly jobs that I don’t intend to take that don’t pay enough money that I know I am wrong for and then going through with the interview anyway and deliberately saying crazy shit that I know will get me removed from the potential hiree list.
Q: How much of a salary would you require to accept this position?
A: 50.00 an hour.
Q: Why are you applying for this job?
A: I’m bored.
Q: Do you have anything against wearing a mask during your eight-hour shift?
A: Yes.
Q: I see here you are studying for a Masters’ degree in Legal Studies?
A: Yes, I’m going to represent myself in this nasty opiod case thing I have going. Next subject.
Q: What would you consider to be your main weakness?
A: Working with others and accepting authority.
Q: Do you have any trips planned in the coming months?
A: Yes. And they’re non-refundable.
Q: Describe a time when you had a disagreement with a colleague.
A: I once told a colleague she only got promoted because she was a white liberal lesbian.
Q: What would you say is the most important quality needed for a fluid, effective workplace?
A: Drinking at lunch.
Q: Where do you see yourself in five years?
A: Married to a rich old guy I find on Tinder.