January’s coming in hard and fast.
A recent LinkedIn post from a quasi-famous self-help guru implored us to let January come in easy. No harboring of any expectations. No proclaiming of any resolutions. No lofty dreams of conquering the world and no frenzied blasting of personal goals.
Just peace and quiet and acceptance.
Sounds nice, doesn’t it?
Like a rogue wave, 2020 rolled us over and over and over. Wrapped in seaweed and gasping for breath, 2021 came up behind us and flattened us again as we got caught in this endless series of abusive waves lined up to the horizon. Getting permission from a moron to wrap myself in a blanket for the month of January is definitely appealing. And truth be told, this time last year, I believe I was the moron suggesting to YOU that we wrap ourselves in blankets. Please accept my apology.
But not this year. I for one will not be letting my guard down. At best, January is pesky. At worst? She can be a really vindictive whore. And I’ve come too far in the last few years to let such a slut interfere with my progress.
The contrast between December and January is sharp, but we keep falling for it every year, don’t we?
Credit card companies in December: Cash back! Low APR! No fees! Second user! We’ll raise your credit limit, give you a PIN number, anything you need, we’re here for you!
Credit companies in January: Pay up, bitch. It’s super cold out, and oh, by the way, your credit score sucks.
Media in December: Drink the wine, eat the carbs, snuggle in!!!
Media in January: How to replace your nightly wine with herb tea! Sugar ages you! How to lose the Christmas ten! Vegetables and fruits, ya’ll! Get back to the gym, fatties!
Work in December: May peace and joy be yours! Santa Hat Friday! Office party is at 4:00, can’t wait to see you!
Work in December: Submit late invoices, dumbasses. What asshole can cover three shifts next week? Work dress code is posted in break room.
Travel companies in December: The perfect Christmas towns! Cruises to the Caribbean! Ziplining in Patagonia! The best family ski resorts!
Travel companies in January: You ain’t going nowhere. Countries are shut down, haven’t you heard? Cruises are germ fests, cities are being looted, and airports? Haha, good luck with airports. Here’s an article on turning your backyard into Paris.
Schools in December: We are shutting down schools and going remote due to the proliferation of the common cold, and we are monitoring the possibility of doing the same for paper cuts and hangnails and shin splints. We must take precautions to keep our children safe.
Schools in January: There is an ongoing problem with depression and anxiety in children and adolescents, and we don’t understand why. So we’re going to remove these children from their social environments, friends, teachers, coaches, activities and sports, and put them in their houses for the darkest most depressing months of the year, and see if that works. I mean, it didn’t work last year, or the year before that, it actually made things WORSE. But who knows, maybe three times the charm.
Get my drift?
Nope, I will be ever vigilant as January draws near. Nope, I don’t trust her to usher me safely into the biggest year of my life, I’m going to do that my own little self. I don’t want to be looking the wrong way when I should be looking straight ahead.
But hey, you do you. Maybe hunkering down for January is just what you need. I wish I could indulge with you, but I think I’d rather hit the ground running in January. I’m so excited about the new year that I hop out of bed every day, my adrenalin pumping before my feet even hit the ground.
I’ll be away for a week or so after Christmas visiting friends, so I thank you for indulging me as I take some time from blogging to come up with some new content and prepare the best way I can for 2022. I wish you the happiest of holidays, and can’t thank you enough if you log in every day or even once in awhile to read my ruminations. Really, it means a lot to me.
Be ever vigilant my friends. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.