When you remove something from your life that you previously loved, whether it’s a hobby or a pastime or a luxury, there’s usually more than one reason.
For example, let’s say you like a certain type of coffee bean. Even though the coffee shop is an hour away you don’t mind making the trip, because the beans make excellent coffee in your French press. You also like Greta, the barista who grinds the beans for you- she’s kind, and always asks about your bulldog Harry’s allergies. On the way home you make pleasant side trips- one stop to see your old Aunt Nancy, another to pick up your favorite homemade balsamic vinaigrette at that cute Italian store, and another to the liquor store for your favorite Pinot.
But then something happens. Maybe Greta quits, and her replacement could care less about Harry. Maybe old Nancy passes away. Maybe the Italian store just seems too out of the way, and you decide to stop drinking wine every night. Pretty soon, you’re in a new routine. You’ve found a new place for beans that’s closer to home, you learn to make your own balsamic, and you save wine for the weekends.
That old routine has been replaced with a new routine.
Same with me with spray tans.
I used to be so devoted to spray tans. I’d go once a week in the winter, twice a week in the summer. My spray tans were very subtle- you could tell I had a spray tan, but I never looked garish or orange.
Just glowy.
Sitting on the beach bores me to tears, so spray tanning was time efficient for me. Just by standing for five minutes in a spray tan booth, I could have a “healthy” bronzed tan and spend summer doing things I loved rather than sitting on my arse. And when I did go to the beach, I didn’t have to suffer through that month long pasty period, or have strange tan lines. I was just uniformly tan, instantly. I loved that.
I eventually stopped getting spray tans, for many reasons. Every day I wake up and say “This is the day I start going again,” but I talk myself out of it. So except for special occasions, I think I’m done with spray tans. Here are some reasons our relationship ended:
The chemicals discolored my Audi driver’s seat. My lease is up in a year, so instead of giving it back, I may have to keep it. I’m going to bring it in to the local car detailers and see what they say, but I don’t think they’ll be able to get rid of it. By the time I figured out that I should have put a towel down on the seat in the summer, it was too late.
I stopped swimming. I love to swim in the ocean, but I was finding myself more and more unwilling to go in the water when I got sprayed, because I didn’t want it to wash off. Total sand diva, and unacceptable.
The price doubled. It used to be this nice kinda cheap thing I did for fun. Then they doubled their prices for a package of visits. It’s still reasonable, but it makes me pause now, wondering if it’s worth it.
It became a time and life commitment. “Gotta go today, gotta go tomorrow, it’s wearing off,” blah blah blah. I’ve done my lifetime of commitment, I’m not going to be tethered down by a spray tan booth. Because it gets addictive, looking glowy. When you stop looking glowy, you need it again, immediately. And you forget how you really look, naturally. That’s when women start looking orange, not knowing how much time to let lapse between appointments. I don’t want to be her.
I have my own product. There are some great spray tan products out there that you can use if you want to look glowy. Cheap, easy, and in the convenience of your own bathroom. Just use a tanning glove.
I began to work part time in a crisis center. When you are working in a crisis center with young adults who are homeless or psychologically embattled, and you walk around the hallways sporting a spray tan, you don’t look glamorous. You don’t look healthy. You look like a fucking moron. And you probably stink from the chemicals. I walked in once with a spray tan, realized how alien-like I must have appeared to them, and never walked in the center with one again.
I didn’t like inhaling the spray. Who knows what happens when you inhale those chemicals? I did my best to plug up my nose when the spray started, but who knows how much still got into my lungs?
So there you have it. An old part of my life that I sort of miss, but am glad I extricated myself from. I pass my old spray tan place every day, and want so badly to make a left, but I control myself. Anyway, pale is in, or haven’t you heard?