(Only post this week, sorry, and thanks for checking in)
So fine, I was bored. Does it excuse it? Maybe not. But he had it coming. Or did he?
I get a LOT of DMs and follow requests in my Instagram account. I’m sure you do, too, right? And tbh, I’m not even sure what’s considered “normal.” Five a day? Ten? A hundred a month?
I won’t tell you how many I get. It’s unseemly.
My IG account is very very private, and very very boring. I only have like thirteen followers and eight posts on there, and I haven’t even posted anything since Alaska. When a DM pops up from a stranger, of course I immediately delete it.
But one day I was at work, and I was bored. So when a DM popped up from this silver fox, I did the unthinkable, for me at least:
I replied. And instantly, ohhhh, the regret. Why do I do this to men? Here’s a smatter:
Him: Hello Mary
Him: How are you doing?
Me: Fine
Him: How’s your day been so far?
Me: (Heart sign)
Next day:
Him: Hey
Me: Hi
Him: How are you?
Me: Good
Him: Where are you from?
Me: Earth
Him: This is lovely- what part?
(This, my friends, indicates that he is a foreigner, and has only the limited English-speaking capacity for basic greetings).
Me: The western part.
Him: Is that west or the east coast?
Me: The eastern coast of the western part of the Earth.
Him: I love this, are you from LA?
Me: Yes, actually, how did you know?
Him: I have much friends out there.
Me: I wonder if any of them are living in tents outside my house in Beverly Hills.
Him: You live in Beverly Hills?
Me: Of course
Him: Would love to come visit (creepy winky emoji)
Me: Sure come on out
Him: When would you like me?
Me: How about tomorrow?
Him: That is very soon.
Me: Let’ start our lives together as soon as possible.
Him: I don’t understand?
Me: I’m aware of that.
THE END