Only three posts this week, frens, so much to cook. Thanks for the emails about my “Class of 2021” post. Glad I could help. And no, I will never have a Twitter account. My sons and I have decided that it would be a very dangerous thing. And I have no interest in making the strange and bizarre Jack Dorsey richer than he already is.
So I received a quiz from a friend recently. I never take these things, but since I was bored (defined as “having a million responsibilities but in deep denial”), I went for it. The directions:
Go to your Instagram account and copy into the quiz the first twenty posts in your Saved section. In ten seconds, based on your saves, we’ll send you a personality analysis!
Mmm k. My friend told me she had received the most coveted “Golden Goddess” rating. Sounds fun, I thought, so I entered my twenty posts:
- Latest Pat McNamara “Basic Dude Stuff” video
- A video of a Gymshark athlete who bearwalks to-and-from work every day in support of mental health awareness
- A Nathan McCallum workout
- The perfect isolated cabin in Wyoming
- Historical timeline of women named Perpetua
- Met soprano Sonya Yoncheva singing her favorite arias
- Baby elephant Kauro getting tucked into his stockade at Sheldrick Elephant Orphanage
- The Balconette bra from Cuup
- Quote from Dr. Jordan Peterson: “You may come to ask yourself, ‘What should I do today?’ in a manner that means ‘How could I use my time to make things better instead of worse?’”
- Recipe for Whipped Coffee Mochaccino
- Kevin Hart comedy clip about married calendar sex
- 5-Bone Dissolving Foods Seniors Must Avoid
- A funny post from #hoegivesnofucks to share with a friend
- Shower Margarita Machine
- Pup socks
- A festive Christmas display of lit-up penises with accompanying ball-sacs
- Rose-gold ski goggles and helmet from Smith Optics
- The Chanel Black Fishnet Bustier
- Braving the Narrows of the Virgin River in Zion National Park
- Compilation video of babies’ reactions when they get new glasses
Submit.
Ten seconds. Twenty. Thirty. That wheel spun for a full minute. I crossed my fingers, hoping to get “Golden Goddess” or at least “Naughty Vixen.” Finally…:
Results were inconclusive. Please try again at a later time.
Story of my life.