I have ten weeks to apply the theme of power to a TED-talk I’m giving in Arizona.
To get a spot for their April speaking series, I had to muddle through four application phases, including filming (an inevitably terrible) three-minute video answering the question, “Who would you put on your own personal Mount Rushmore?”
Don’t ask.
I was one of six applicants to win a spot, so now’s the time for the actual work. The structuring of a talk that proposes the following:
That widowhood, while widely regarded as a pitiable condition, can, if utilized effectively, be seen as an enviable one. To wit: how can a woman harness the power that accompanies widowhood as a launch pad for reinvention?
When looking for a featured image for this post, I typed “widow” into the search bar, and two types of pictures came up: the first depicted hot young women in black veils and red lipstick, staring seductively at the camera. The other type showed lonely old women wearing sensible shoes, either staring aimlessly into space from a kitchen, sitting despondently on a park bench, or being comforted by a family member.
Whore or spinster. Those are our two choices.
When I typed “widower” into the search bar, there was not one free picture. Not one. But in iStock, you could buy photos which depicted widowers in any number of fun activities: hiking, staring at the Eiffel Tower, laughing with grandchildren, etc. There were only two pictures showing male despondency: an elderly man staring at his wedding portrait, and a young guy with his head down, twisting his wedding band around his finger.
Let me translate. If you’re a widow, you’re fucked and alone. If you’re a widower, there is still fun to be had. Egads.
Neither I nor any widow I have met in the last four years identifies with any of those pictures. While many miss their husbands, the women I have met LOVE their new lives of travel and independence and adventure. Since the death of their spouses they have had no choice but to become strong and formidable, and with each personal and professional victory, they became tougher and tougher to vanquish.
Harry Crews once said:
It is in a crisis, conflicts, in what I think of as “blood moments,” that you find out who the hell you are, what you really are, what you really believe, what you’re really capable of- that’s where you find it out.
Fuck yeah for widowhood.