I received an inquiry from a news outlet last week to write a blurb using this title:
“How to Know If the Man You Met Online is Looking for a Nurse or a Purse”
No kidding, this is a real thing. They’re called “hobosexuals,” men either looking for a woman to take care of them in their advancing years, or for a “sugar momma.”
I cannot attest to the “nurse” half of it. I mean, how do these men make their intentions known? Is the first date a request to drive him to his colonoscopy? Does he ask her to change his Depends, or check his blood pressure before nookie? When they go out to dinner, does he ask her to ask the chef to blend his steak?
Allow me some teasing room here. You’re probably married, whether happily or unhappily, so you have no idea what it’s like out there.
I gave up “out there.”
Personally, I don’t know what’s more disturbing: knowing that these kind of men are out there, or knowing that there are gullible women who fall for it. So here, for your use, are six ways to know if a guy wants to jiggle your pursestrings. Pass this along to your dating friends, mothers, aunts, daughters, whoever. I’ve done the research, so what you’re about to read is pretty accurate.
He’s too good-looking. I’m talking the kind of model good-looking that makes you stop at his picture and say, “Wow, he is REALLY good-looking.” DANGER DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!!! There is no reason that a seriously good-looking man is hanging out on dating sites unless there is something seriously wrong.
He is over-eager to get your phone number. After a few hours of conversation, he will say, “Give me your number so we can get off this site.” He wants to research you and pull your credit report so he can find your net worth. And if you have money, you will be shocked how fast he “falls in love” with you. Within one week he’ll tell you he’s dreaming about you, is ready to introduce you to his friends, and hopes to meet your family. If he lives far away from you, he’ll be “more than happy to make the drive,” or the flight, or the walk. To these guys, it’s worth the initial time and gas investment.
He has impeccable manners. By the time he’s done with you, you’ll feel like Queen Elizabeth. He’ll hold the door for you, pull out your chair for you, help you with your coat, tell you your company is just delightful. He will not make unwonted physical advances, and treat you like a real lady.
He wants to meet you at dinner, and if he gets a second date, asks if you’d prefer to drive. He doesn’t want to show you his car. Oh, and they LOVE being driven around, like they’re Miss Daisy to your Hoke.
He acts weird when you don’t offer to pay for anything. Maybe he doesn’t reach for his wallet right away when the dinner bill arrives. Maybe he doesn’t put down cash on the bar when you have drinks with him. Maybe when you half-heartedly say, just to be polite, “Oh, can I put something toward the bill?” he reacts with emphatic enthusiasm.
Take it from me: Run for your life.
After the first date, he hems, haws, and waits for you to make plans. He wants you to take charge, to make the reservations, to put the down-payment on the room, on the show, whatever. This is a huge signal of a a guy who wants to be “kept.”
Some of these gentlemen have fancy leather wallets, some don’t make that pretense. Some dress really well, some don’t. Some flash big stacks of cash while not offering it up, and some have only a crumpled one-dollar bill in their wallet alongside a beat-up old faded credit card from an old bank that doesn’t exist anymore. Some want to talk about money and real estate, some avoid the subject entirely to keep you off the scent.
Laugh if you will but they’re out there. Heed my warnings.