It took me a long time to realize that LinkedIn is just a professional version of a dating site.
I get a lot of LinkedIn hits a week, sometimes over a hundred, if you can believe that. On Saturday mornings I like to click and look at a few profiles. I like seeing who these people are, because it’s such a distinguished, eclectic and random group:
Seamus Heaney Jr.– Penguin trainer at Occipital Animal Testing Facility
Jolene Smorgas– Banquet Manager at Joanie’s Roadhouse Barbeque in Tulsa
Ethan Winer– Technician, Passmore Gas and Propane
Pepsi Jackson– Paralegal for Wong, Doody, Crandall, and Wiener.
Dr. Anita P. Ness– Chief Executive Officer for AnalTech.
Why are these people on my profile? What do I have to offer them?
Sometimes I get scary ones, like people from detective agencies, the IRS, security software and legal offices. Many of them are “looked at your profile in private mode.”
Whyyyyy?
I eventually came to realize that the random “John Smith viewed your profile” hits are just another Cat-and-Mouse game. John Smith “viewed your profile” because he wants you to click on HIS profile. It’s like an electronic exchanging of business cards.
O.k. But, er, now what? What is John Smith waiting for me to do? Is it like, “Ooooh, John Smith is VP of Johnson Marketing Executives, I think I’ll contact him!” It’s like dating sites. You “wave,” send “a heart” or “a like,” whatever the fuck, and NOW WHAT?
Third-graders who send each other Valentines’ Day cards are more sophisticated than people my age trying to get together for work, love or sex.