The most current five stories on our local newsfeed:
Insidious insects headed not only to New Jersey, but for your house. They’re coming right for you, right now. Get that caulk gun ready.
School dance gone very, very wrong, sans pig’s blood.
Body found on a beach.
Tainted beef gravy recalls.
School nurses on the front line of the pandemic.
Look at those again. Seriously? Now that must be an uplifting place to work. The morning staff meeting must be a blast. What do they provide for breakfast? Coffee, doughnuts and a bowl of Prozac?
(Afternote: At the publishing of this post, I had to add these two headlines: “Deer colliding with motorists increased in 2021,” and “Two die in bus crash.” Strangely enough the Monday headlines are more effervescent, and deal with protecting special needs students on school buses and a fundraiser for health care workers).
The fear-mongering media is nothing new, and the lack of feel-good stories is not surprising. I have to share in the blame, because the first three non-fiction essays I asked my classes to analyze this semester dealt with the futility of adult existence, the proliferation of school shootings in the 90’s, and a sociological study of a serial killer. One of my students asked in Zoom:
Are we going to read anything uplifting this semester?
Me: No. Subscribe to Disney+.
Uplifting just doesn’t sell.
Top movies in the movie theaters right now:
“Halloween Kills.”
“The Last Duel.”
“The Blazing World.”
“No Time to Die.”
“Venom.”
Yep, more feel-good stuff there. And don’t blame Halloween. “Halloween Kills” is the lightest fare of the five. Since the pandemic has wreaked such havoc on our country socially and politically, Hollywood has just…fizzled out. Right?
Movies used to be an escape, a place where we could feel happy, scared, or titillated for a couple of hours, a place where we could leave our troubles at the door. Armed with a bucket of buttered popcorn, Raisinets and a fizzy soda, we could enter into an alternate existence. We could watch Harrison Ford run from bad guys. Kevin Costner play golf. Meg Ryan fake an orgasm, Julia Roberts go to the opera, Tom Cruise show us the money. We could escape from our heads for a little while.
Now there’s no escape. The droning insistent cacophony in our heads is the same droning insistent cacophony we see up on the screen. Where are the feel-good movies about sports? Love triangles? Gentle family dramas? High school hi-jinx? Travel, career, falling in love with Mr. Wrong, who turns out to be Mr. Very Very Right?
Jeez, everything now is so heavy, laden with purpose and metaphor, bogged down in political correctness and sociological messaging. Media messaging is like an anchor pulling at the legs of studio moguls, forcing them to spit out this politically-correct drivel that no one wants to go see. Except for superhero Marvel movies, people would prefer to get their feel-goodness from renting the stuff they enjoy watching from their own couch. How are these studios making any money? How are movie stars making any money? The industry needs something to save it.
You know what we need? I’ll tell you what we need.
We need the Rom-Com back. Where are all of the Julia Roberts? Meg Ryans? Tom Hanks? Sandra Bullocks? Diane Keatons, Meryl Streeps, John Cusacks?
God, I miss the Rom-Com. My favorites:
“Something’s Gotta Give.”
“As Good As It Gets.”
“The Proposal.”
“Crazy, Stupid, Love.”
“Dear John.”
“Forgetting Sarah Marshall.”
“She’s Out of Your League.”
The Brigitte Jones franchise, before Renee Zelwigger screwed up her face with plastic surgery.
“Tootsie.”
“Enough Said.”
“Notting Hill.”
Literally any movie with Meg Ryan, before she screwed up her face, too.
“Four Weddings and a Funeral.”
Molly Ringwald and any Brat Pack movie.
“Working Girl.”
Kevin Costner. ‘Nuff said.
“Say Anything.”
“Groundhog Day.”
“Moonstruck.”
“Broadcast News.”
I know Netflix is trying its best in the genre, but sitting in one’s living room is not the same as sitting in a movie theater with a bucket of popcorn just losing yourself for a few hours. And TBH, I don’t even know what movie stars right now could even pull off a rom-com in this day and age. What actress do we have now that would agree to star in a simple movie about the popular girl in high school falling in love with a nerd? What actor would put down his political cudgel long enough to play the part of a high school football star who really wants to be an artist? And when will Scarlett Johannson get back to me about playing me in the movie that will be adapted from my book?
I mean, Scarlett, you only have more two years to sign on, or we’re going to have to go with someone else.
Regardless, when it comes to rom-coms and Meg Ryan’s brilliance:
I’ll have what she’s having.