I gotta cool it with the exclamation points. Giving them up is my New Years’ Resolution. I can’t stop, help me!
What am I afraid of? People mistaking my mood? Since when do I care what people think? Why can’t I stop putting exclamation points at the end of my work emails, texts and Instagram comments?
This is just the last two days of abuse:
Work email: “Hi Mary, I updated your work availability, let me know if I can help with anything else.”
“Thanks so much!”
Mary to Self: Was having your work availability updated really that exciting? Calm down.
Editor email: “Hi Mary, send me your first draft and I’ll have a look-see.”
“Great, let me know at your first convenience!”
Mary to Self: “Could you sound more desperate and unprofessional? Calm down.”
Comment on IG post of Tim Grover being interviewed by Tom Bilyeu:
“Intense!”
Mary to Self: “Even if the two most powerful motivators in the world are sitting at the same table in the same room, saying ‘intense’ with an exclamation point is redundant. Calm the fuck down.”
Family Christmas text from sister-in-law: “Mary, concerning Christmas dinner, what are we going to do about the vegetarians in our family?”
“Roasted vegetable tray?!”
Mary to Self: A question mark AND an exclamation point? Choose one or the other. I mean, aren’t you an English teacher? CALM. DOWN.
Text to sons:
“The buff chick dip is ready!!!”
Mary to You: If you’ve ever eaten my buff chick dip, you would know the exclamation points are necessary here. Calm down.