Hey folks without kids, we get it already. You have plenty of time to yourselves. Your houses are neat and quiet. You’re responsible only for yourselves. Congratulations. Just answer a question for me:

If you’re so happy being childless, and if posts about children are so annoying to you, and if you’re happy and proud about your childless status, why do you follow accounts about parents and children, and then proceed to bash parents on every family holiday post?

Social media is a trip, isn’t it? These past weeks were National Daughters and National Sons Days, and Instagram and Facebook were a riot. I didn’t post pictures of my sons, because they were very clear when I texted them:

Me: Hey guys, it’s National Sons’ Day. Do you want me to post that picture I got of all three of you in the kitchen after you all went surfing? (They’re never all in the kitchen at the same time anymore, it was a super cute pic).

First boy: No.

Second boy: No.

Third boy: No.

(Alrighty then. Don’t beat around the bush, guys, tell me how you really feel).

Family Instagram accounts this past week were rife with cute kid videos, but then the comments started, and fights ensued. On one Dad account, people were actually arguing over who has a better life: people with kids, or without. So we’re back to my question:

If childless people aren’t envious of people with kids, why are they following Instagram accounts about people with kids? And then fighting about it? That would be like me following an account based on something I have no interest in, like, carving decoy ducks, and then blasting all of the decoy duck carvers with my vitriol.

Carving decoy ducks is stupid!

My life is so much better because I don’t carve decoy ducks!

Don’t you get depressed waking up every day having to stare at those decoy ducks?

I fill my time not carving decoy ducks with better pursuits!

Suckers! Don’t you wish you were me because I don’t have to carve decoy ducks?

Whether the childless are childless by personal choice or by physical or medical inability, the following remains true:

We concede that you have advantages. Benefits. There are so many things you don’t have to worry about.

Crib death. Choking risks. Poopy diapers. Teething. Stranger danger. Rip tides. Knee scrapes. Report cards. Food allergies. Mismatched socks. Loud music. Mean girls. Mean boys. Teenage disgruntlement. Unrequited love. College essays. Student loans. Career foibles.

Ad nauseum.

No, I’m not going to list the wonders and delights of parenthood. The list would be too long, and it’s been a long week. Maybe another time.

So fine, we acknowledge that while our lives without children might be easier, our lives would not be better. And popping up on social media just to tell us we’re suckers for procreating is silly. We don’t tell you you’re silly for not having kids, why should you tell us we’re silly for having them?

And never forget that someone had you. So it can’t be all bad, right?