So I was pulling into the supermarket parking lot recently on a busy summer morning, and as I waited my turn in the queue, I sent a quick voice text to my son. At 9:00 a.m., he would be almost ready to leave for work.
“Hi honey pulling into the supermarket let me know asap if you want me to grab you something for lunch I’m running in and out so hurry.”
The line began to move, and as I circled the lot, I became distracted by the gorgeous hunky men ambling in and out of the store (I’m incorrigible, I know, you think I don’t know?) Owing to the early hour many were in t-shirts and shorts, fresh from or headed to workouts, while some were dressed for work. I debated which look I liked better, and muttered to myself once again how beautiful men are, and bemoaned the fact that I could watch them walk for hours. What is wrong with me?
As I pulled into a space, I looked down and realized I had never sent the message to my son, and did so quickly and distractedly, annoyed with myself that he may now not receive the message in time.
As I squeezed avocados and marveled once again at the fact that avocados are only ripe for about six minutes of their lifespan and that it was impossible as a consumer to predict when these six minutes would occur, I got a text from my son.
“Mom wtf?”
Confused, I replied.
“What?”
“This was so awkward.”
I didn’t understand. “What?”
“Your message.”
“What about it?”
“Did you look at it before you sent it?”
I had never turned off the voice memo, and it texted everything I said in the parking lot. This is the exact text I sent to my 22-year old son:
Hi honey pulling into the supermarket let me know asap if you want me to grab you something for lunch I’m running in and out so hurry oh man he’s hot that’s the exact body I like there are so many hot guys here today hey shirt and tie guy you’re gorgeous no go ahead and pull out you can pull out of me anytime you want go ahead back up on me yes sir feel free is it hot guy at Acme day today or what damn finally found a spot
“Oopsies. Sorry honey.”
“Jesus Christ mom. I can never unsee this. Don’t text me in the morning anymore please.”
Noted.